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I'm so discouraged...
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 303769" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>therese005us</p><p> </p><p>G'day Mate. </p><p> </p><p>I don't know how old his Lordship is, but whatever age he is over the age of 13 he is quite capable of getting himself up and ready for school, unless he is mentally retarded. This was the stern words I got from our therapist. Actually he said that any 10 year old child could be given the responsibilities of an alarm clock but since our children tend to be emotionally younger, I could add three years to most 'norms'. </p><p> </p><p>This was very hard for me to do and for any parent to do because the first thing we like to think of when our children fall short of THEIR responsibilities is HOW IS THIS GOING TO MAKE OUR DAY AS PARENTS HARDER? For example: If HL doesn't get up for school at the sound of his own alarm clock - and get to school on time - what would happen to him?? </p><p>a.) He misses school</p><p>b.) He misses the days work and falls behind</p><p>c.) He misses school, misses the days work, falls behind and fails the year.</p><p>d.) He all of the above AND becomes truant - then gets taken to court</p><p>e.) He all of the above AND you as the parent gets in trouble with the law</p><p> </p><p>And up until selection e.) it was natural consequences for him - but when you throw parent gets in trouble with the law - then he drags you into it. So what can you do legally? </p><p> </p><p>This is where you have to get the authorities involved and tell the courts "I have a child that is XX years old who is incapable of getting himself up for school, would rather sit home on his dead bum and do nothing but sleep all day while I'm at work than get an education, does not care if his parents get in trouble with the law and that's why we're here. Maybe you can get him to attend school in juvenille detention." </p><p> </p><p>I didn't have this problem with my son - he LOVED to go to school. We made home SO boring - he couldn't wait to get up and go. But we had other MAJOR problems that left me also feeling defeated. When his behaviors became too, too much to handle we had him removed from the home at 16. We had his caseworker find a placement and sent him off to stay in one of the most horrid places he'd ever been at. He had an awful time there, and learned quite a few lessons that were invaluable. Eventually we had the place shut down it was so bad. Then we had him placed in foster care where he still is. </p><p> </p><p>My point is...You do NOT have to put up with a child running YOUR household and berating you, and bullying you. Think about it like this. If he were ANYONE elses child, would you allow him to come into your home and treat you, or your other children like he does? No. Then why do you put up with his behavior and let him get away with the things he does now? Fear? Retribution? Is that a reason to keep him there? Nope. If he can not abide by your rules then do like Susie* said and set a date for him to be out - and house rules for him to start following with consequences IMMEDIATELY and stick to them. No more second chance. He crosses the line - THIS WILL OCCUR. Then follow through. </p><p> </p><p>Threats can't be used any longer - time for action. Time to draw a line in the sand and mean what you say. Time for you to stop being bullied by your child and stick to your guns. Time for you to listen to your girlfriends and let them empower you to be strong and help you be brave and help you detach, and ultimately help your son become a stronger, better, less dependent person on you. If you weren't there tomorrow - who would do all this for him. (therapist asked me that too) I had to let him start doing it for himself and stop treating him like he was an invalid. I'm glad I did. He's grown a lot in the last year. I think most times it was harder on me than it was on him. (I know it was) </p><p> </p><p>Hugs & EMPOWERMENT!!!!<img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/smug.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":smug:" title="smug :smug:" data-shortname=":smug:" />(thats the power symbol) </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 303769, member: 4964"] therese005us G'day Mate. I don't know how old his Lordship is, but whatever age he is over the age of 13 he is quite capable of getting himself up and ready for school, unless he is mentally retarded. This was the stern words I got from our therapist. Actually he said that any 10 year old child could be given the responsibilities of an alarm clock but since our children tend to be emotionally younger, I could add three years to most 'norms'. This was very hard for me to do and for any parent to do because the first thing we like to think of when our children fall short of THEIR responsibilities is HOW IS THIS GOING TO MAKE OUR DAY AS PARENTS HARDER? For example: If HL doesn't get up for school at the sound of his own alarm clock - and get to school on time - what would happen to him?? a.) He misses school b.) He misses the days work and falls behind c.) He misses school, misses the days work, falls behind and fails the year. d.) He all of the above AND becomes truant - then gets taken to court e.) He all of the above AND you as the parent gets in trouble with the law And up until selection e.) it was natural consequences for him - but when you throw parent gets in trouble with the law - then he drags you into it. So what can you do legally? This is where you have to get the authorities involved and tell the courts "I have a child that is XX years old who is incapable of getting himself up for school, would rather sit home on his dead bum and do nothing but sleep all day while I'm at work than get an education, does not care if his parents get in trouble with the law and that's why we're here. Maybe you can get him to attend school in juvenille detention." I didn't have this problem with my son - he LOVED to go to school. We made home SO boring - he couldn't wait to get up and go. But we had other MAJOR problems that left me also feeling defeated. When his behaviors became too, too much to handle we had him removed from the home at 16. We had his caseworker find a placement and sent him off to stay in one of the most horrid places he'd ever been at. He had an awful time there, and learned quite a few lessons that were invaluable. Eventually we had the place shut down it was so bad. Then we had him placed in foster care where he still is. My point is...You do NOT have to put up with a child running YOUR household and berating you, and bullying you. Think about it like this. If he were ANYONE elses child, would you allow him to come into your home and treat you, or your other children like he does? No. Then why do you put up with his behavior and let him get away with the things he does now? Fear? Retribution? Is that a reason to keep him there? Nope. If he can not abide by your rules then do like Susie* said and set a date for him to be out - and house rules for him to start following with consequences IMMEDIATELY and stick to them. No more second chance. He crosses the line - THIS WILL OCCUR. Then follow through. Threats can't be used any longer - time for action. Time to draw a line in the sand and mean what you say. Time for you to stop being bullied by your child and stick to your guns. Time for you to listen to your girlfriends and let them empower you to be strong and help you be brave and help you detach, and ultimately help your son become a stronger, better, less dependent person on you. If you weren't there tomorrow - who would do all this for him. (therapist asked me that too) I had to let him start doing it for himself and stop treating him like he was an invalid. I'm glad I did. He's grown a lot in the last year. I think most times it was harder on me than it was on him. (I know it was) Hugs & EMPOWERMENT!!!!:smart:(thats the power symbol) Star [/QUOTE]
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