Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
I'm so discouraged...
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="rlsnights" data-source="post: 304357" data-attributes="member: 7948"><p>[html]He won't go till he's ready. When he does, if he's not 'settled' i.e. job, nice friends, a purpose in life he can handle, he'll be back on the streets again with drugs and drink. I know he smuggles them here, but I'm hoping the change of environment i.e. work, will help.[/html]</p><p></p><p>Dear Trish,</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry you went to bed crying because you felt some of the replies were harsh. No doubt you felt that way about mine.</p><p></p><p>If you read it early this morning you may not know that I edited my reply to you later in the morning. Perhaps you might want to read it again so you know more of my background and what has led me to offer you the advice I gave.</p><p></p><p>Your description of your son, assuming I am understanding it correctly and it is accurate, implies that he is literally incapable of doing basic tasks of every day living due to cognitive impairment and continuing polysubstance abuse.</p><p></p><p>If this is true and your son is showing no interest or commitment to making changes so he can take care of himself then, based on my experiences with a similar difficult child, your vision of his future is clearly not grounded in reality.</p><p></p><p>Out of desperation to save him from himself you are running yourself into the ground. You are probably not giving the other children in your home the kind and amount of attention they need.</p><p></p><p>Something has to give and it is likely to be you.</p><p></p><p>The fact that you have been unable to enforce a ban on his use of substances he has a history of abusing <u>while in your home</u> is really not good. In our case, our son started bringing those friends home when we were not there. Besides stealing from us they started a fire in the kitchen by using the microwave to blast cherry pits. You absolutely cannot trust him if he is using and you cannot help him until he stops using.</p><p></p><p>You need to go to Alanon or Narconon meetings or something similar. I am talking today. You need help with this situation from someone who has walked in your shoes and is right there in front of you.</p><p></p><p>I suggest you set yourself and your son a deadline. Having a structure can only help don't you think?</p><p></p><p>If he has not stopped using and demonstrated that he can perform the most basic tasks required to take care of himself independently by that date (1 month from now?) then you must look for a placement for him outside your home. If you have not found a placement within another month then he needs to move out, ready or not. I doubt he will ever be "ready" as you define it and I don't really understand how you can think that he will if your description is accurate.</p><p></p><p>Frankly, I'm pretty sure he would really rather be on the streets doing drugs and living off disability. It's much more fun in many ways. Until he decides otherwise, you cannot compete. Believe me, I know. I have walked and continue to walk in those shoes. You are deluding yourself to think otherwise.</p><p></p><p>Peace,</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rlsnights, post: 304357, member: 7948"] [html]He won't go till he's ready. When he does, if he's not 'settled' i.e. job, nice friends, a purpose in life he can handle, he'll be back on the streets again with drugs and drink. I know he smuggles them here, but I'm hoping the change of environment i.e. work, will help.[/html] Dear Trish, I'm sorry you went to bed crying because you felt some of the replies were harsh. No doubt you felt that way about mine. If you read it early this morning you may not know that I edited my reply to you later in the morning. Perhaps you might want to read it again so you know more of my background and what has led me to offer you the advice I gave. Your description of your son, assuming I am understanding it correctly and it is accurate, implies that he is literally incapable of doing basic tasks of every day living due to cognitive impairment and continuing polysubstance abuse. If this is true and your son is showing no interest or commitment to making changes so he can take care of himself then, based on my experiences with a similar difficult child, your vision of his future is clearly not grounded in reality. Out of desperation to save him from himself you are running yourself into the ground. You are probably not giving the other children in your home the kind and amount of attention they need. Something has to give and it is likely to be you. The fact that you have been unable to enforce a ban on his use of substances he has a history of abusing [U]while in your home[/U] is really not good. In our case, our son started bringing those friends home when we were not there. Besides stealing from us they started a fire in the kitchen by using the microwave to blast cherry pits. You absolutely cannot trust him if he is using and you cannot help him until he stops using. You need to go to Alanon or Narconon meetings or something similar. I am talking today. You need help with this situation from someone who has walked in your shoes and is right there in front of you. I suggest you set yourself and your son a deadline. Having a structure can only help don't you think? If he has not stopped using and demonstrated that he can perform the most basic tasks required to take care of himself independently by that date (1 month from now?) then you must look for a placement for him outside your home. If you have not found a placement within another month then he needs to move out, ready or not. I doubt he will ever be "ready" as you define it and I don't really understand how you can think that he will if your description is accurate. Frankly, I'm pretty sure he would really rather be on the streets doing drugs and living off disability. It's much more fun in many ways. Until he decides otherwise, you cannot compete. Believe me, I know. I have walked and continue to walk in those shoes. You are deluding yourself to think otherwise. Peace, [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
I'm so discouraged...
Top