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I'm so discouraged...
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 304751" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Actually, I misunderstood this. Trish said he isn't getting disability. And no, I wasn't suggesting DS19 do a course on explosives! (although the course teaches responsible use, safety procedures, regulations - and that you can't get access to any materials except in the employment environment. No taking your practical work home with you!). I was mainly saying, there is a wild range of possible courses, some of them seeming at first to have no ultimate purpose. But eventually, something should rise out of the mix that CAN lead to something of value. And in the meantime, he's learning a work ethic (study ethic) as well as discovering things about himself.</p><p></p><p>As for guys prostituting themselves for drug money - I saw my eldest sister's son do this, and a lot worse. I saw my sister have to find ways to deal with this.</p><p></p><p>If DS19 is self-medicating with drugs and alcohol, the problem is mutifactorial. First - he has found a way to cope. Not a valid one, but it IS a coping strategy. So he won't give it up lightly, not willingly and not if there is no alternative. He has to get it right for himself, but if his brain is addled he hasn't got the capacity to do this for himself. And the longer it is made easy for him to continue to do this, the longer he will live this way. And the more younger ones coming up through the ranks will see this as a legitimate lifestyle alternative.</p><p></p><p>We don't have the same resources here in Australia. We do have some great resources, but they are different. Finding out what you can do and have access to, is tricky. If he doesn't give permission for his case to be discussed with a third party, there is very little Trish can do.</p><p></p><p>Personally - I would be bargaining for access and control, in exchange for him living there.</p><p></p><p>Trouble is, the alternative - he would leave and live rough - is terrifying to mothers who are worried what could happen to their child, if they force them to leave.</p><p></p><p>In my nephew's case, he ran away because (to his mind) his father was too strict. In reality, his father was inconsistent and emotionally abusive. But the boy ran away TOWARDS drugs and crime, not really AWAY from his father. The wya he was going - this would have happened no matter how caring and loving his family. Drugs really were increasingly the one thing he really craved and was motivated to get.</p><p></p><p>Trish, one possible option (one I've used) - if you do not have rights to discuss DS19 with his therapists, you DO have the right to feed back to them, your concerns. You can say whatever you like, to whomever you like. THEY can't tell YOU anything without permission, but they can of course listen. I've used that one, I've seen other people use that one, with a family member they're concerned about. Friend's father had dementia and was trying to fool all the people all the time (including the doctor) so friend rang the doctor and said, "I know you can't tell me anything about my father. I am going to tell you about him instead." She then told him what she had observed and finished with, "I leave this information in your hands." and hung up, leaving her contact information.</p><p></p><p>You need help andadvice on this one, from someone who knows your region. To that end - someone suggested Alanon. There should also be other groups including Narcotics Anonymous. Or even grief counsellors? You need to talk to someone for yourself, because they can plug you in to some practical resources locally. And if you feel you don't need it right now - then consider it planning for the future.</p><p></p><p>Sorry, hon. This is getting nasty. I really can't see the light at the end of the tunnel for you, not at the moment.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 304751, member: 1991"] Actually, I misunderstood this. Trish said he isn't getting disability. And no, I wasn't suggesting DS19 do a course on explosives! (although the course teaches responsible use, safety procedures, regulations - and that you can't get access to any materials except in the employment environment. No taking your practical work home with you!). I was mainly saying, there is a wild range of possible courses, some of them seeming at first to have no ultimate purpose. But eventually, something should rise out of the mix that CAN lead to something of value. And in the meantime, he's learning a work ethic (study ethic) as well as discovering things about himself. As for guys prostituting themselves for drug money - I saw my eldest sister's son do this, and a lot worse. I saw my sister have to find ways to deal with this. If DS19 is self-medicating with drugs and alcohol, the problem is mutifactorial. First - he has found a way to cope. Not a valid one, but it IS a coping strategy. So he won't give it up lightly, not willingly and not if there is no alternative. He has to get it right for himself, but if his brain is addled he hasn't got the capacity to do this for himself. And the longer it is made easy for him to continue to do this, the longer he will live this way. And the more younger ones coming up through the ranks will see this as a legitimate lifestyle alternative. We don't have the same resources here in Australia. We do have some great resources, but they are different. Finding out what you can do and have access to, is tricky. If he doesn't give permission for his case to be discussed with a third party, there is very little Trish can do. Personally - I would be bargaining for access and control, in exchange for him living there. Trouble is, the alternative - he would leave and live rough - is terrifying to mothers who are worried what could happen to their child, if they force them to leave. In my nephew's case, he ran away because (to his mind) his father was too strict. In reality, his father was inconsistent and emotionally abusive. But the boy ran away TOWARDS drugs and crime, not really AWAY from his father. The wya he was going - this would have happened no matter how caring and loving his family. Drugs really were increasingly the one thing he really craved and was motivated to get. Trish, one possible option (one I've used) - if you do not have rights to discuss DS19 with his therapists, you DO have the right to feed back to them, your concerns. You can say whatever you like, to whomever you like. THEY can't tell YOU anything without permission, but they can of course listen. I've used that one, I've seen other people use that one, with a family member they're concerned about. Friend's father had dementia and was trying to fool all the people all the time (including the doctor) so friend rang the doctor and said, "I know you can't tell me anything about my father. I am going to tell you about him instead." She then told him what she had observed and finished with, "I leave this information in your hands." and hung up, leaving her contact information. You need help andadvice on this one, from someone who knows your region. To that end - someone suggested Alanon. There should also be other groups including Narcotics Anonymous. Or even grief counsellors? You need to talk to someone for yourself, because they can plug you in to some practical resources locally. And if you feel you don't need it right now - then consider it planning for the future. Sorry, hon. This is getting nasty. I really can't see the light at the end of the tunnel for you, not at the moment. Marg [/QUOTE]
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