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I'm struggling with hate
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 710586" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>M was quite interested in the problem and gave a nuanced reply which I will quickly summarize and try to get back to you tomorrow if I do not get to it all. I am deliberately trying to not editorialize on what he said.</p><p></p><p>First, he does not think you should leap to go to the authorities.</p><p></p><p>Second, he thinks you need to talk to Ferb, to open dialog only.</p><p></p><p>Third, he thinks that Ferb has a lot of confidence in himself (and the possibility of the affair reinforces that idea) and he does think that Ferb has grown stronger and more capable and wiser due to what he has experienced and what he has suffered. He does not have the sense that Ferb is particularly vulnerable. He also has the sense about Ferb that he is mature (??) that he does not have about my son who is 10 years older.</p><p></p><p>Fourth, it makes a huge difference to him, if this woman is involved with a series of kids. He did not like this at all and did not rule out at all involving the authorities.</p><p></p><p>Fifth, to him it all centers on Ferb, how he is holding this relationship, if there is one. Does he feel "in love" or does he feel that he is using her, too. He sees the conversation between you two as you giving Ferb the opportunity to talk to you, to ask questions, to express what he needs to. And does not involve you asking questions or making any demands.</p><p></p><p>Sixth, he does not see anything out of the ordinary about the age difference. He said it is normal for older women to be attracted to younger men, and older men to younger women, and it is no biggie. Nor did he respond much to the idea of the role transgression. While I did not ask him specifically, he did not express the idea that this was abuse. More it was the sense that the teacher has personal problems. The concern he had was more that Ferb could talk about the situation with you so as to air the circumstances, his worries, his questions...so that he is not alone with it.</p><p></p><p>He says the woman is probably unhappy in her marriage and with herself, and has problems.</p><p></p><p>He really, really did not like the idea that she might be involved with multiple students. He said it all hinges on what Ferb says, and how he feels, where you should go next with this. He very much respected the idea that you stay in synch with Ferb.</p><p></p><p>Actually, I do kind of agree with him.</p><p></p><p>Oh. I forgot. I told him about Ferb's size and this is what he said: <em>What does that have to do with anything? What importance could it have? Why would his stature affect anything? Least of all his confidence in himself. If he is involved with this teacher, he is demonstrating a great deal of self-assurance. </em></p><p><em></em></p><p>It quickly devolved from there, with him assuming that I was the one who put forth such a stupid idea.</p><p></p><p>I am wondering if he identifies with Ferb.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 710586, member: 18958"] M was quite interested in the problem and gave a nuanced reply which I will quickly summarize and try to get back to you tomorrow if I do not get to it all. I am deliberately trying to not editorialize on what he said. First, he does not think you should leap to go to the authorities. Second, he thinks you need to talk to Ferb, to open dialog only. Third, he thinks that Ferb has a lot of confidence in himself (and the possibility of the affair reinforces that idea) and he does think that Ferb has grown stronger and more capable and wiser due to what he has experienced and what he has suffered. He does not have the sense that Ferb is particularly vulnerable. He also has the sense about Ferb that he is mature (??) that he does not have about my son who is 10 years older. Fourth, it makes a huge difference to him, if this woman is involved with a series of kids. He did not like this at all and did not rule out at all involving the authorities. Fifth, to him it all centers on Ferb, how he is holding this relationship, if there is one. Does he feel "in love" or does he feel that he is using her, too. He sees the conversation between you two as you giving Ferb the opportunity to talk to you, to ask questions, to express what he needs to. And does not involve you asking questions or making any demands. Sixth, he does not see anything out of the ordinary about the age difference. He said it is normal for older women to be attracted to younger men, and older men to younger women, and it is no biggie. Nor did he respond much to the idea of the role transgression. While I did not ask him specifically, he did not express the idea that this was abuse. More it was the sense that the teacher has personal problems. The concern he had was more that Ferb could talk about the situation with you so as to air the circumstances, his worries, his questions...so that he is not alone with it. He says the woman is probably unhappy in her marriage and with herself, and has problems. He really, really did not like the idea that she might be involved with multiple students. He said it all hinges on what Ferb says, and how he feels, where you should go next with this. He very much respected the idea that you stay in synch with Ferb. Actually, I do kind of agree with him. Oh. I forgot. I told him about Ferb's size and this is what he said: [I]What does that have to do with anything? What importance could it have? Why would his stature affect anything? Least of all his confidence in himself. If he is involved with this teacher, he is demonstrating a great deal of self-assurance. [/I] It quickly devolved from there, with him assuming that I was the one who put forth such a stupid idea. I am wondering if he identifies with Ferb. [/QUOTE]
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