Maybe Im approaching him wrong, Maybe I dont really understand regardless of how much I have read. Eric challenges me everyday, every single moment he is awake is a battle. He is fighting me, he is fighting his sisters, he fights what I ask of him, he fights what I tell him. He wont listen and he talks so loud its constant in my ears. Im at work and I have nightmares of daycares calling me. I'm at work and the days he has to come with me I dread even answering the phone. Most times and most days, I have to remember he's my son and I love him, even if most of the time I dont like him. I keep waiting for social security to say oh no, he doesnt qualify. I told his worker, if he is denied I would purposely take a day off, and sit in their office with Eric not taking his clonidine, and sit there and not do a single thing to stop him. Then they can tell me, that his condition doesnt affect his everyday life. I have to sacrifice taking out my girls, cause noone will stay with him. By all accounts everyone keeps telling me to have him baker acted and have them figure out what needs to be done and what his diagnosis is. I already know the diagnosis, it doesnt make life any easier. Eric is mildly allergic to wheat and gluten, and because he's so little I am considering having him checked for celiac disease, but i dont want to cause I dont think I cant handle another diagnosis. I feel guilty because he needs so much attention and Im usually in a bad mood and my daughters get less attention and me this great big old ball of mean, just barking out rules all the time.
Jeez, am I the worst mom ever? I feel like it, I mean what kind of mom doesnt like her kid? I'm angry, why, why Eric? His pregnancy from the beginning was different.
