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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 324924" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Katya, please resist the pull to "help". I KNOW you want to make sure your child is not homeless, hungry and cold. It must be so strong, esp at this time of year. I honestly do not know what we would do if Wiz was forced out of my parents' home for some reason. </p><p></p><p>Having the room does NOT mean that difficult child should move back. You and husband worked long and hard for many years, and are still working hard, to be able to afford that lifestyle. difficult child has not worked long and hard, and he has not EARNED that lifestyle.</p><p></p><p>It is one thing to see a child with mental illness who works hard to do what the docs say, to be medication and therapy compliant. In that case, if the child cannot support himself, and is not a danger to others, it would be one thing to think about bringing the child home.</p><p></p><p>It is my recall of your situation that your difficult child is not treatment compliant, has been scary, and is not appropriate in regards to being a good roommate. He also seems to not work at home, if the up all night, sleep all day, hurts too much, etc... routine is as I remember.</p><p></p><p>Bringing him home will be just one more nail in the "I cannot do anything" coffin he wants to jump into. If he has to find a solution other than living in your home or his girlfriend's home, he just might rise to the occasion and figure out a solution that works for them. He, and you, won't know until he tries and fails a few times.</p><p></p><p>Janet's Cory is a good example. Living at home he just was not as functional and independent as he could be. Living alone, with the problems and hardships, he has grown and made a life for himself. One he feels good about. </p><p></p><p>Offering help with first and last months rent is one thing. Having him move in is another. If he will only consider moving in with you, well, you will have to make sure he doesn't have a key and tell him no. It may even come to having him removed from your property by the police. It does NOT mean you don't love him. It means that you love him enough to push him out of the nest.</p><p></p><p>IF he truly cannot function, then he should qualify for some type of assisted living or group home. </p><p></p><p>I realize he is mentally ill. That is not a blanket voucher that can be cashed in for living with mom and dad as a helpless and dependent child who cannot do even basic chores. It just isn't. </p><p></p><p>I know it is hard. Rips your guts out hard. But this is what needs to happen to help him figure out his wings, if they work, how they work, and what they can accomplish - how high they can lift him.</p><p></p><p>Part of being a responsible parent is watching them try to fly and letting them fall so they can try again.</p><p></p><p>Sending lots and lots of hugs, my extra rhino skin armor, and a shoulder to cry on.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 324924, member: 1233"] Katya, please resist the pull to "help". I KNOW you want to make sure your child is not homeless, hungry and cold. It must be so strong, esp at this time of year. I honestly do not know what we would do if Wiz was forced out of my parents' home for some reason. Having the room does NOT mean that difficult child should move back. You and husband worked long and hard for many years, and are still working hard, to be able to afford that lifestyle. difficult child has not worked long and hard, and he has not EARNED that lifestyle. It is one thing to see a child with mental illness who works hard to do what the docs say, to be medication and therapy compliant. In that case, if the child cannot support himself, and is not a danger to others, it would be one thing to think about bringing the child home. It is my recall of your situation that your difficult child is not treatment compliant, has been scary, and is not appropriate in regards to being a good roommate. He also seems to not work at home, if the up all night, sleep all day, hurts too much, etc... routine is as I remember. Bringing him home will be just one more nail in the "I cannot do anything" coffin he wants to jump into. If he has to find a solution other than living in your home or his girlfriend's home, he just might rise to the occasion and figure out a solution that works for them. He, and you, won't know until he tries and fails a few times. Janet's Cory is a good example. Living at home he just was not as functional and independent as he could be. Living alone, with the problems and hardships, he has grown and made a life for himself. One he feels good about. Offering help with first and last months rent is one thing. Having him move in is another. If he will only consider moving in with you, well, you will have to make sure he doesn't have a key and tell him no. It may even come to having him removed from your property by the police. It does NOT mean you don't love him. It means that you love him enough to push him out of the nest. IF he truly cannot function, then he should qualify for some type of assisted living or group home. I realize he is mentally ill. That is not a blanket voucher that can be cashed in for living with mom and dad as a helpless and dependent child who cannot do even basic chores. It just isn't. I know it is hard. Rips your guts out hard. But this is what needs to happen to help him figure out his wings, if they work, how they work, and what they can accomplish - how high they can lift him. Part of being a responsible parent is watching them try to fly and letting them fall so they can try again. Sending lots and lots of hugs, my extra rhino skin armor, and a shoulder to cry on. [/QUOTE]
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