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In a totally new place and need perspective? Cedar? Anyone?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 665994" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>It is usually nothing we have done because our people have forgiven many others for worst than we have done. I am convinced it is some childhood role game that still goes on in their heads and makes them blow up everything we do into a felony. I know my sister has put up with far worse from others than she ever put up with from me. Mine were stupid little things, some intentional because she hurt me and some totally ignorantly of her own value system, which I don't understand. Nothing I ever did tormented her the way abusive boyfriend does and has done for over five years. Nothing. I'm convinced she is furious at me because I set a boundary up where I refused to talk about him anymore since we were talking around in circles and he hurt her constantly and I could tell that she was not going to leave...and therefore talking about him would accomplish nothing. It would enable her to go to a bad man. One she said herself abuses her and is mean.She also had a friend who turned a bunch of friends against her RIGHT ON HER BELOVED FB! If I so much as posted a family joke that nobody understood, she'd yell at me, but this woman got her friends to turn on her for some teenagerish reason. She forgave her too. My sister is no brave hero. The only person she ever stands up to is me and it's in a dysfunctional way. Now I'm standing up to her and building a cement wall.</p><p></p><p>I don't think she believes I'm borderline either. She told me flat out, with her own mouth, that she didn't think I had borderline; that her boyfriend did. Suddenly I have it because she can no longer control me? Kind of makes me smile in a sad way.</p><p></p><p>Perhaps she thinks I read her threads and just puts down stuff to try to anger me. I haven't read her threads for a very long time and she doesn't have the power to hurt me, certainly by insisting I have a diagnosis nobody gave me but her.</p><p></p><p>I am glad she is suspended from her site though. Not because I care if she posts nonesene, but because she isn't trying to heal. She is just hoping I'll read her stuff and the mod caught on to her purpose. She will never heal. She doesn't know what she is healing from. I never had the power to make the entire family dysfunctional. The kid never does. And the family was a trainwreck since my earliest memories. Our mother caused her anorexia and other issues that are not to be named. A sibling doesn't cause anorexia. A negligent parent does. She needs to heal from our childhood too, but she insists on healing from me, and that just won't work.</p><p></p><p>I didn't CAUSE it and I can't CURE it and I can't CONTROL it. Like a drug addict, our FOO has to get healed in a professional setting, intensively, and open eyes to the pain of what our parents were. How they treated us. How our childhood affects us forevermore. How our mother could not give unconditional love at an age when we all needed it and because of that none of us learned that we were loveable. Not even golden child. </p><p></p><p>I wonder if GC ever told his therapist that his mother was a rather inept mother. He was so darn attached to her. I wonder if he can even face the fact of it. I wonder if my sister can face it too...she has such a need to think that our mother was good, and she may have treated her better as an adult, but there is not doubt that our mother was a horrible mother when we were children and young adults. Any denial of that is mindbloggling.</p><p></p><p>I didn't run the house. My dad was barely home. She was always there, yet s he wasn't. It was her responsibility to teach us to deal with life and she failed miserably. </p><p></p><p>Backing away from that topic and moving on to another really unusual fact in my FOO, on both sides, I just wanted to mention the men in my family. Is it maybe Jewish men being too babied by mothers? Am I just scapegoating Jewish mothers? Hard to say. But anyhow, here it goes and this is very unusual.</p><p></p><p>My uncle was tied to my grandmother's umbilical cord. HIS WORDS. He wanted to cut the cord, but he never did. He couldn't. It started when he was a little boy and continued into his manhood. He did not marry until she died and never had kids. That is good. He was way too selfish to have kids. Then there is my father's brother. He never married, he never lived with anyone, to my knowledge, he never had a relationship. When he passed on, his family found out he was a hoarder, like the people on the show. He lived with his things. And, of course, my brother has never had a live-in relationship with anybody in his life. At one time, brother was an actuary and made good bucks, but he also never bought his own house and has lived in the same exact rental apartment for thirty some years. He has not even shared his place with a pet. </p><p></p><p>I think it's interesting that the men in my family, on both sides, have trouble, just like the women, forming relationships. But they go even farther. They don't have them. I actually think uncle only married because he is afraid to be alone and needed a substitute for his mother.</p><p></p><p>All in all, there is a history of dysfunctional parenting in my family of origin. I do not know much about how my father's parents raised him and his siblings. I do know how my grandmother raised her kids and how my mother could not think for herself enough to cut her own cord and do a better job of parenting. I know she didn't like how she was parented and felt second place to my uncle, yet she wasn't smart enough to do things differently.</p><p></p><p>Oh, the thoughts that flow today <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p><p></p><p>I hope you both had a wonderful day. I just came home from work.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 665994, member: 1550"] It is usually nothing we have done because our people have forgiven many others for worst than we have done. I am convinced it is some childhood role game that still goes on in their heads and makes them blow up everything we do into a felony. I know my sister has put up with far worse from others than she ever put up with from me. Mine were stupid little things, some intentional because she hurt me and some totally ignorantly of her own value system, which I don't understand. Nothing I ever did tormented her the way abusive boyfriend does and has done for over five years. Nothing. I'm convinced she is furious at me because I set a boundary up where I refused to talk about him anymore since we were talking around in circles and he hurt her constantly and I could tell that she was not going to leave...and therefore talking about him would accomplish nothing. It would enable her to go to a bad man. One she said herself abuses her and is mean.She also had a friend who turned a bunch of friends against her RIGHT ON HER BELOVED FB! If I so much as posted a family joke that nobody understood, she'd yell at me, but this woman got her friends to turn on her for some teenagerish reason. She forgave her too. My sister is no brave hero. The only person she ever stands up to is me and it's in a dysfunctional way. Now I'm standing up to her and building a cement wall. I don't think she believes I'm borderline either. She told me flat out, with her own mouth, that she didn't think I had borderline; that her boyfriend did. Suddenly I have it because she can no longer control me? Kind of makes me smile in a sad way. Perhaps she thinks I read her threads and just puts down stuff to try to anger me. I haven't read her threads for a very long time and she doesn't have the power to hurt me, certainly by insisting I have a diagnosis nobody gave me but her. I am glad she is suspended from her site though. Not because I care if she posts nonesene, but because she isn't trying to heal. She is just hoping I'll read her stuff and the mod caught on to her purpose. She will never heal. She doesn't know what she is healing from. I never had the power to make the entire family dysfunctional. The kid never does. And the family was a trainwreck since my earliest memories. Our mother caused her anorexia and other issues that are not to be named. A sibling doesn't cause anorexia. A negligent parent does. She needs to heal from our childhood too, but she insists on healing from me, and that just won't work. I didn't CAUSE it and I can't CURE it and I can't CONTROL it. Like a drug addict, our FOO has to get healed in a professional setting, intensively, and open eyes to the pain of what our parents were. How they treated us. How our childhood affects us forevermore. How our mother could not give unconditional love at an age when we all needed it and because of that none of us learned that we were loveable. Not even golden child. I wonder if GC ever told his therapist that his mother was a rather inept mother. He was so darn attached to her. I wonder if he can even face the fact of it. I wonder if my sister can face it too...she has such a need to think that our mother was good, and she may have treated her better as an adult, but there is not doubt that our mother was a horrible mother when we were children and young adults. Any denial of that is mindbloggling. I didn't run the house. My dad was barely home. She was always there, yet s he wasn't. It was her responsibility to teach us to deal with life and she failed miserably. Backing away from that topic and moving on to another really unusual fact in my FOO, on both sides, I just wanted to mention the men in my family. Is it maybe Jewish men being too babied by mothers? Am I just scapegoating Jewish mothers? Hard to say. But anyhow, here it goes and this is very unusual. My uncle was tied to my grandmother's umbilical cord. HIS WORDS. He wanted to cut the cord, but he never did. He couldn't. It started when he was a little boy and continued into his manhood. He did not marry until she died and never had kids. That is good. He was way too selfish to have kids. Then there is my father's brother. He never married, he never lived with anyone, to my knowledge, he never had a relationship. When he passed on, his family found out he was a hoarder, like the people on the show. He lived with his things. And, of course, my brother has never had a live-in relationship with anybody in his life. At one time, brother was an actuary and made good bucks, but he also never bought his own house and has lived in the same exact rental apartment for thirty some years. He has not even shared his place with a pet. I think it's interesting that the men in my family, on both sides, have trouble, just like the women, forming relationships. But they go even farther. They don't have them. I actually think uncle only married because he is afraid to be alone and needed a substitute for his mother. All in all, there is a history of dysfunctional parenting in my family of origin. I do not know much about how my father's parents raised him and his siblings. I do know how my grandmother raised her kids and how my mother could not think for herself enough to cut her own cord and do a better job of parenting. I know she didn't like how she was parented and felt second place to my uncle, yet she wasn't smart enough to do things differently. Oh, the thoughts that flow today ;) I hope you both had a wonderful day. I just came home from work. [/QUOTE]
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