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Family of Origin
In a totally new place and need perspective? Cedar? Anyone?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 666000" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Just skimmed your last two posts, Cedar. But wanted to comment upon two things.</p><p></p><p>First, the parallels between your sister and mother and my own. My sister must have made a similar bargain with my mother. My sister must have stayed in relationship with my mother contingent upon having what she felt to be the upper hand vis a vis me. She could take what she wanted of my mothers things (and money) and feel like the prize specimen. Like she was the daughter. (Remember my sister's 2nd mother in law referred to my mother as my sister's mother, and got embarrassed when she realized it.) </p><p></p><p>And I was okay with it all, more or less, because I wanted to be out of it. </p><p></p><p>But then everything started to fall apart when my mother got vulnerable, and my sister moved in. Then the dynamic changed. Because the deal was my sister had special rights and privileges.</p><p></p><p>And I broke the implicit, unspoken deal...to let her. And that was when my sister broke the relationship with my mother. </p><p></p><p>So, there must have been tacit agreement on my mother's end.</p><p></p><p>It still hurts me that nobody ever invited me to anything, except an occasional Christmas or Thanksgiving. Sometimes, my mother was excluded, too, and she felt very mad and abandoned. But nobody ever considered how I felt. Hardly ever, even me.</p><p></p><p>I do not have time now, but I want to mention here again the events around the post. And shame. And shaming. And the strength of my reaction and then my response. </p><p></p><p>Got to go now. Take care SWOT and CEDAR.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 666000, member: 18958"] Just skimmed your last two posts, Cedar. But wanted to comment upon two things. First, the parallels between your sister and mother and my own. My sister must have made a similar bargain with my mother. My sister must have stayed in relationship with my mother contingent upon having what she felt to be the upper hand vis a vis me. She could take what she wanted of my mothers things (and money) and feel like the prize specimen. Like she was the daughter. (Remember my sister's 2nd mother in law referred to my mother as my sister's mother, and got embarrassed when she realized it.) And I was okay with it all, more or less, because I wanted to be out of it. But then everything started to fall apart when my mother got vulnerable, and my sister moved in. Then the dynamic changed. Because the deal was my sister had special rights and privileges. And I broke the implicit, unspoken deal...to let her. And that was when my sister broke the relationship with my mother. So, there must have been tacit agreement on my mother's end. It still hurts me that nobody ever invited me to anything, except an occasional Christmas or Thanksgiving. Sometimes, my mother was excluded, too, and she felt very mad and abandoned. But nobody ever considered how I felt. Hardly ever, even me. I do not have time now, but I want to mention here again the events around the post. And shame. And shaming. And the strength of my reaction and then my response. Got to go now. Take care SWOT and CEDAR. COPA [/QUOTE]
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In a totally new place and need perspective? Cedar? Anyone?
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