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Family of Origin
In a totally new place and need perspective? Cedar? Anyone?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 666129" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I am tired. Still. The cat wakes me up every morning. M a few year ago, insisted all animals must vacate the bedroom and the bed. The cat and I remain desolate about this decree. </p><p></p><p>She waits until M is out of site or gone from the house and begins to hurl her weight against the door repetitively. So, I am awake with coffee. But will try to rest again. </p><p></p><p>I want to say a few things briefly.</p><p></p><p>As we were leaving for the train to depart...the attorney called as he prepared the last of the documents. On the advanced healthcare directive M is designated as the decision maker for me if I am unable. So the attorney wanted to know who would be it, if M for whatever reason was unable. Well, there's no one. </p><p></p><p>I got sad. Because I was forced to feel the solitary nature of my life. I could not run away from the reality that I had lived most of my life alone because I either feared or mistrusted intimacy with others. Not because of their deficits but because of my own. And this was a direct result of my life in my family. And I felt sad.</p><p></p><p>On the train I thought of something else. I scrawled: L (my sister) advocating for me. I do not remember what I meant. I will free associate now. My sister wanted to be the voice that defined me. To deprive me of a voice either to define myself or with my mother. </p><p></p><p>This recent incident here must have brought up and be bringing up all sorts of feelings about the lack of safety in my family and with my sister especially. Because it felt what that Modesta did was try to define me and what Admina did was fail to protect me and to turn it against me. </p><p></p><p>And it has all resulted in a feeling of a lack of safety for me. </p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 666129, member: 18958"] I am tired. Still. The cat wakes me up every morning. M a few year ago, insisted all animals must vacate the bedroom and the bed. The cat and I remain desolate about this decree. She waits until M is out of site or gone from the house and begins to hurl her weight against the door repetitively. So, I am awake with coffee. But will try to rest again. I want to say a few things briefly. As we were leaving for the train to depart...the attorney called as he prepared the last of the documents. On the advanced healthcare directive M is designated as the decision maker for me if I am unable. So the attorney wanted to know who would be it, if M for whatever reason was unable. Well, there's no one. I got sad. Because I was forced to feel the solitary nature of my life. I could not run away from the reality that I had lived most of my life alone because I either feared or mistrusted intimacy with others. Not because of their deficits but because of my own. And this was a direct result of my life in my family. And I felt sad. On the train I thought of something else. I scrawled: L (my sister) advocating for me. I do not remember what I meant. I will free associate now. My sister wanted to be the voice that defined me. To deprive me of a voice either to define myself or with my mother. This recent incident here must have brought up and be bringing up all sorts of feelings about the lack of safety in my family and with my sister especially. Because it felt what that Modesta did was try to define me and what Admina did was fail to protect me and to turn it against me. And it has all resulted in a feeling of a lack of safety for me. COPA [/QUOTE]
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