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Family of Origin
In a totally new place and need perspective? Cedar? Anyone?
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 666150" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Me, too.</p><p></p><p>It wasn't until I just first started risking saying "I don't know." I realized such a feeling of open, Copa. Like, it was okay not to know, not to be right, not to be defended. I didn't have to believe that internal voice that was condemning every smallest thing I did.</p><p></p><p>Everything, Copa. Even when I was alone, there was that condemnation, that internalized condemnation I learned to protect myself when I was a little girl.</p><p></p><p>It feels like, if I vary from continual watchfulness, something awful will happen.</p><p></p><p>But what happened instead is that I feel less lonely. And I realized I have been so lonely for all of my life because I haven't been here, in my life.</p><p></p><p>It is like coming awake, Copa. For me, it is. A tremulous feeling of honor and gratitude having to do with all the smallest everyday things.</p><p></p><p>And at first, I thought I was so lucky because I had it now and I had never known how good it was just to be here, before. But it turned out that was only a tiny beginning.</p><p></p><p>We have so much to look forward to.</p><p></p><p>It's hard for us to believe it. to believe this could be happening, to us and for us and that it was there in us, all along.</p><p></p><p>We have been alone for so long.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 666150, member: 17461"] Me, too. It wasn't until I just first started risking saying "I don't know." I realized such a feeling of open, Copa. Like, it was okay not to know, not to be right, not to be defended. I didn't have to believe that internal voice that was condemning every smallest thing I did. Everything, Copa. Even when I was alone, there was that condemnation, that internalized condemnation I learned to protect myself when I was a little girl. It feels like, if I vary from continual watchfulness, something awful will happen. But what happened instead is that I feel less lonely. And I realized I have been so lonely for all of my life because I haven't been here, in my life. It is like coming awake, Copa. For me, it is. A tremulous feeling of honor and gratitude having to do with all the smallest everyday things. And at first, I thought I was so lucky because I had it now and I had never known how good it was just to be here, before. But it turned out that was only a tiny beginning. We have so much to look forward to. It's hard for us to believe it. to believe this could be happening, to us and for us and that it was there in us, all along. We have been alone for so long. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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In a totally new place and need perspective? Cedar? Anyone?
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