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Family of Origin
In a totally new place and need perspective? Cedar? Anyone?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 666159" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>To me, knowing Jewish mothers, that was to him for not bringing home a fortune.</p><p></p><p>My mother used to tell me, "Jewish men make good husbands."</p><p></p><p>I can only believe she meant they are often financially secure because they cheat and get mean and can abuse just l like anyone else. One can brag about "my daughter who is married to a lawyer" and make it sounds like it is actually a compliment to her because she's the mother of the daughter of a husband lawyer and it is inferred then that you have money. And, strangely, all that flowed favorably to her. Just a guess. That's how I always took it.</p><p></p><p>I dated a carpenter once. You know they make good money, but they work with their hands. This was the first time I dated not only a non-Jewish man, but a blue collar worker. My mom did a real mock job on him. She wrinkled her nose as she said the word "carpenter."</p><p></p><p>Her: (<em><strong>as if she were me </strong></em>talking to somebody else about a man I was married to) My husband is a CARPTENER (wrinkled nose and mockery).</p><p></p><p>That's what she did. I don't know why. My own father did not make the kind of money some make in his profession and we hardly lived the life of the rich. And she usually would mock anyone who was materialistic too. The contradictions in t he childhood home were hard to sort out. By then though I was a middle teen (maybe 16) and already had decided that her standards were not mine. I did not care about Jewish. I did not care about money or if the guy had a college degree. I had already rejected those values as imperative, but she had not.</p><p></p><p>But, then, this is the woman who told me, "If you marry a gentile, he will beat you and call you dirty Jew every time you have a fight."</p><p></p><p>What is interesting is that she was thinking about many fights, which SHE had experienced, but that not all people do. And also she was responding to the anti-Jewish feeling amongst some gentiles during and post WWII. And perhaps my grandmother had told her that gentiles beat their wives too.</p><p></p><p>I didn't buy that either.</p><p></p><p>This begs the question: Did she dislike me because I obviously did not believe her w hen she made outrageous claims? That I didn't lockstep along with her? Usually I don't remember arguing with her about these things. I'd just think in my head that they weren't true. Little did s he know that her daughter would not only cross religious lines, but parent children of other races. And not ask if it was ok to do it. I just did it.</p><p></p><p>I think my mother wanted her opinion to be asked of my choices. In this way, I don't think she got that from any of us. With her low swlf-esteem, that must have made her feel small.But it's not l ike she parented us or anything. She pretty much didn't know or care what we did.</p><p></p><p>The House of Chaos.</p><p></p><p>Our House in the Middle of the Street.</p><p></p><p>No rules, no boundaries, no soft voices, no teaching, no guiding, nothing.</p><p></p><p>The house itself was as barren as the parenting. Not even a cheerful environment.</p><p></p><p>I got way off topic there. Copa, I guess I had one of them...er....emotional flashbacks (FLEAS) <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>I do not think your mother was taking a swipe at YOU this time, except to remind you that you had chosen somebody below her standards and below the standards she wanted for you.</p><p></p><p>My own mother would have gone ballistic over the hispanic thing too at one time. And the undocumented immigrant...I shudder to think of what her mean mouth would have done with that. It would have been like M. wasn't even a person. So if your mother was civl to M. she is three times the lady my mother would have been.</p><p></p><p>And if I had had more money than him, well, she would have said, he didn't love me, he wanted my money. That's my Mommie Dearest.</p><p></p><p><em><strong>"NO WIRE HANGERS!"</strong></em></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 666159, member: 1550"] To me, knowing Jewish mothers, that was to him for not bringing home a fortune. My mother used to tell me, "Jewish men make good husbands." I can only believe she meant they are often financially secure because they cheat and get mean and can abuse just l like anyone else. One can brag about "my daughter who is married to a lawyer" and make it sounds like it is actually a compliment to her because she's the mother of the daughter of a husband lawyer and it is inferred then that you have money. And, strangely, all that flowed favorably to her. Just a guess. That's how I always took it. I dated a carpenter once. You know they make good money, but they work with their hands. This was the first time I dated not only a non-Jewish man, but a blue collar worker. My mom did a real mock job on him. She wrinkled her nose as she said the word "carpenter." Her: ([I][B]as if she were me [/B][/I]talking to somebody else about a man I was married to) My husband is a CARPTENER (wrinkled nose and mockery). That's what she did. I don't know why. My own father did not make the kind of money some make in his profession and we hardly lived the life of the rich. And she usually would mock anyone who was materialistic too. The contradictions in t he childhood home were hard to sort out. By then though I was a middle teen (maybe 16) and already had decided that her standards were not mine. I did not care about Jewish. I did not care about money or if the guy had a college degree. I had already rejected those values as imperative, but she had not. But, then, this is the woman who told me, "If you marry a gentile, he will beat you and call you dirty Jew every time you have a fight." What is interesting is that she was thinking about many fights, which SHE had experienced, but that not all people do. And also she was responding to the anti-Jewish feeling amongst some gentiles during and post WWII. And perhaps my grandmother had told her that gentiles beat their wives too. I didn't buy that either. This begs the question: Did she dislike me because I obviously did not believe her w hen she made outrageous claims? That I didn't lockstep along with her? Usually I don't remember arguing with her about these things. I'd just think in my head that they weren't true. Little did s he know that her daughter would not only cross religious lines, but parent children of other races. And not ask if it was ok to do it. I just did it. I think my mother wanted her opinion to be asked of my choices. In this way, I don't think she got that from any of us. With her low swlf-esteem, that must have made her feel small.But it's not l ike she parented us or anything. She pretty much didn't know or care what we did. The House of Chaos. Our House in the Middle of the Street. No rules, no boundaries, no soft voices, no teaching, no guiding, nothing. The house itself was as barren as the parenting. Not even a cheerful environment. I got way off topic there. Copa, I guess I had one of them...er....emotional flashbacks (FLEAS) :) I do not think your mother was taking a swipe at YOU this time, except to remind you that you had chosen somebody below her standards and below the standards she wanted for you. My own mother would have gone ballistic over the hispanic thing too at one time. And the undocumented immigrant...I shudder to think of what her mean mouth would have done with that. It would have been like M. wasn't even a person. So if your mother was civl to M. she is three times the lady my mother would have been. And if I had had more money than him, well, she would have said, he didn't love me, he wanted my money. That's my Mommie Dearest. [I][B]"NO WIRE HANGERS!"[/B][/I] [/QUOTE]
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