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Family of Origin
In a totally new place and need perspective? Cedar? Anyone?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 666315" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I'll tell you what I've learned to do at least most of the time, and it has helped me especially with my FOO, but with surprises too and with comments from work that I could take to be positive or not so positive. So far I'd call it 90% successful.</p><p></p><p>Say I am surprised by an e-mail. I read it. I don't react right away or I'll be reacting through my emotional flashbacks and hear my mother's voice in the letter and take it to be far more critical than it really is. I remind myself that this has nothing to do with me or the person, but it is a reaction to something that happens on th e board. I don't always agree with decisions that are made, but I try to follow the rules because it's not my board. Just like I hope people don't smoke in my house, even though they may think it's very unfair t hat to light up a cigarette they have to go outdoors.</p><p></p><p>When I make things impersonal, it works better.</p><p></p><p>Trust me, I've even done this lately with FOO. They say what they do because of t heir own issues and nobody has spoken to me for so long that, if they say something about me, I am in their head(s) because of them and an inability to control their thinking, not because of me.</p><p></p><p>When you take the *me* out of interactions and realize most are not really about us at all, it is easier. I can't say this works for me every time. There will be triggers and reactions, but so much less often. I even forgive myself quickly when I have a triggered reaction and move on fast to "big deal." Forgive yourself for your reaction and remember that the people in charge here probably have to answer lots of petty complaints, and it's not an easy job. And I wouldn't want to do it. I think most of the posters like your advice. Nobody will like us all the time, but we do our best.</p><p></p><p>Cheer up.</p><p></p><p>Hugs <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" />)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 666315, member: 1550"] I'll tell you what I've learned to do at least most of the time, and it has helped me especially with my FOO, but with surprises too and with comments from work that I could take to be positive or not so positive. So far I'd call it 90% successful. Say I am surprised by an e-mail. I read it. I don't react right away or I'll be reacting through my emotional flashbacks and hear my mother's voice in the letter and take it to be far more critical than it really is. I remind myself that this has nothing to do with me or the person, but it is a reaction to something that happens on th e board. I don't always agree with decisions that are made, but I try to follow the rules because it's not my board. Just like I hope people don't smoke in my house, even though they may think it's very unfair t hat to light up a cigarette they have to go outdoors. When I make things impersonal, it works better. Trust me, I've even done this lately with FOO. They say what they do because of t heir own issues and nobody has spoken to me for so long that, if they say something about me, I am in their head(s) because of them and an inability to control their thinking, not because of me. When you take the *me* out of interactions and realize most are not really about us at all, it is easier. I can't say this works for me every time. There will be triggers and reactions, but so much less often. I even forgive myself quickly when I have a triggered reaction and move on fast to "big deal." Forgive yourself for your reaction and remember that the people in charge here probably have to answer lots of petty complaints, and it's not an easy job. And I wouldn't want to do it. I think most of the posters like your advice. Nobody will like us all the time, but we do our best. Cheer up. Hugs :)) [/QUOTE]
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In a totally new place and need perspective? Cedar? Anyone?
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