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Substance Abuse
In need of wisdom and advice
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 760105" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hello Csmom. I struggle with this too. I go back and forth in my head.<em> If he is mentally ill, I say to myself, and lacks the insight and judgement to make good choices, how will he ever make good choices? </em>Or I ask myself, <em>if he wants to keep using marijuana, how will he ever decide to stop--especially because his insight is so poor? </em></p><p></p><p>You see, this is addictive thinking on my part. It is circular and there is no way out as long as I engage in it. It's just self-torture.</p><p></p><p>The reality is that there is a way out for everyone. A way out is not dependent upon logic. It's not even dependent on learning or good judgement. Just one day it can happen. It is not even dependent upon resources. A chance encounter. A bad experience. And just like that, things change, people change.</p><p></p><p>But mothers can't make sons change. I am a case in point. My son has had access to treatment programs, job programs,SSI, psychotherapy, spiritual programs, etc. He just is not interested. </p><p></p><p>I went to AA for a while. I wanted to learn about how people change in a 12 step program. There are all kinds of people with all kinds of diagnoses. And one day, they decide to go to a meeting. And then they go to 90 meetings in 90 days. And then it becomes a year. And that is what it takes to change.</p><p></p><p>Not necessarily meetings. It can be other things too. Doing things differently day by day by day. This is something that does not require much at all--no complex thinking, deciding, judgment, or insight. It just requires one day to try another approach. And do it again. And again. Until we are changed. A simple yes or no. Every single day. Mothers can't help sons do this.</p><p></p><p>I don't think it's our sons' diagnoses or problems that are the problem. I think they just aren't there yet. That's why nothing works. I am not saying that treatment doesn't work. But it only works if they work it.</p><p></p><p>The same thing is true for us. -</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 760105, member: 18958"] Hello Csmom. I struggle with this too. I go back and forth in my head.[I] If he is mentally ill, I say to myself, and lacks the insight and judgement to make good choices, how will he ever make good choices? [/I]Or I ask myself, [I]if he wants to keep using marijuana, how will he ever decide to stop--especially because his insight is so poor? [/I] You see, this is addictive thinking on my part. It is circular and there is no way out as long as I engage in it. It's just self-torture. The reality is that there is a way out for everyone. A way out is not dependent upon logic. It's not even dependent on learning or good judgement. Just one day it can happen. It is not even dependent upon resources. A chance encounter. A bad experience. And just like that, things change, people change. But mothers can't make sons change. I am a case in point. My son has had access to treatment programs, job programs,SSI, psychotherapy, spiritual programs, etc. He just is not interested. I went to AA for a while. I wanted to learn about how people change in a 12 step program. There are all kinds of people with all kinds of diagnoses. And one day, they decide to go to a meeting. And then they go to 90 meetings in 90 days. And then it becomes a year. And that is what it takes to change. Not necessarily meetings. It can be other things too. Doing things differently day by day by day. This is something that does not require much at all--no complex thinking, deciding, judgment, or insight. It just requires one day to try another approach. And do it again. And again. Until we are changed. A simple yes or no. Every single day. Mothers can't help sons do this. I don't think it's our sons' diagnoses or problems that are the problem. I think they just aren't there yet. That's why nothing works. I am not saying that treatment doesn't work. But it only works if they work it. The same thing is true for us. - [/QUOTE]
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