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Interesting take on why adult children think it's ok to cut off parents
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 653949" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>We raised the kids in Minnesota, SOT. Just like in Prairie Home companion ~ where the men are handsome, the women are strong, and the children are all above average.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Oh, I did not mean to imply that people are opting for a life of addiction because they are concerned about social problems, SOT. I was chiming in on my opinion of the good parts of the legacies of Dr Spock and Dr Lee Salk. </p><p></p><p>Because of our postings here relative to genetics, and because I see what I see in my family history back several generations, I think it is true that addiction and mental illness are genetic issues, not parenting issues.</p><p></p><p>I agree that fooling around with drugs in the first place happens because our kids don't believe addiction could happen to them. In that sense, I would say "entitled and irresponsible", but in that sense only. I think Americans are generous and very kind. We are a decent people willing to believe it is possible to create something better than what has always been. Slavery, which was seen as something evil, the Jim Crow laws and the terrible things that were justified to bring Native populations into our version of civilization were about as close as we ever came to establishing rigid social classes, aristocracies based on blood or money, or caste systems as adequate responses to misery and illness and poverty. </p><p></p><p>I love that such a thing as America came into existence, love the ideal and the dream and the strength and the resilience and the essential goodness of it.</p><p></p><p>Ahem.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I missed that one, I think.</p><p></p><p>I was smug and judgmental too, Seeking.</p><p></p><p>I thought we were doing so well....</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I believe this now, when I know our daughter's problems seemed to have vanished and then, to have come back. From spending so much time here on the site, I understand that addiction happens however we were raised, and that there may be a genetic component to that whole mess. So, I think I see what probably happened to our family.</p><p> </p><p>I don't know why "what happened" mattered so much. Probably it was because we had two children, each self-destructing in a different way. </p><p></p><p>Here is a thing I know: Most kids are committed to the futures their parents are committed to for them. There is so much pride and acceptance and such a feeling of a job well done, and I wish I had that, too.</p><p></p><p>But other than that, now that I know I cannot change things for us, I am not searching desperately for an answer, for some right way to do this that other parents knew and I did not. I can stay present to what is. I am beginning to appreciate who the kids are in a way I have not been able to, before detachment parenting.</p><p></p><p>I suppose what it is, is that, having let go of responsibility for them, I respect them more as people.</p><p></p><p>But I think it would be a very hard thing to convince ourselves to let go of responsibility for a teen or early twenties child.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 653949, member: 17461"] We raised the kids in Minnesota, SOT. Just like in Prairie Home companion ~ where the men are handsome, the women are strong, and the children are all above average. :O) Oh, I did not mean to imply that people are opting for a life of addiction because they are concerned about social problems, SOT. I was chiming in on my opinion of the good parts of the legacies of Dr Spock and Dr Lee Salk. Because of our postings here relative to genetics, and because I see what I see in my family history back several generations, I think it is true that addiction and mental illness are genetic issues, not parenting issues. I agree that fooling around with drugs in the first place happens because our kids don't believe addiction could happen to them. In that sense, I would say "entitled and irresponsible", but in that sense only. I think Americans are generous and very kind. We are a decent people willing to believe it is possible to create something better than what has always been. Slavery, which was seen as something evil, the Jim Crow laws and the terrible things that were justified to bring Native populations into our version of civilization were about as close as we ever came to establishing rigid social classes, aristocracies based on blood or money, or caste systems as adequate responses to misery and illness and poverty. I love that such a thing as America came into existence, love the ideal and the dream and the strength and the resilience and the essential goodness of it. Ahem. I missed that one, I think. I was smug and judgmental too, Seeking. I thought we were doing so well.... I believe this now, when I know our daughter's problems seemed to have vanished and then, to have come back. From spending so much time here on the site, I understand that addiction happens however we were raised, and that there may be a genetic component to that whole mess. So, I think I see what probably happened to our family. I don't know why "what happened" mattered so much. Probably it was because we had two children, each self-destructing in a different way. Here is a thing I know: Most kids are committed to the futures their parents are committed to for them. There is so much pride and acceptance and such a feeling of a job well done, and I wish I had that, too. But other than that, now that I know I cannot change things for us, I am not searching desperately for an answer, for some right way to do this that other parents knew and I did not. I can stay present to what is. I am beginning to appreciate who the kids are in a way I have not been able to, before detachment parenting. I suppose what it is, is that, having let go of responsibility for them, I respect them more as people. But I think it would be a very hard thing to convince ourselves to let go of responsibility for a teen or early twenties child. Yes. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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Interesting take on why adult children think it's ok to cut off parents
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