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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 711496" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Nomad. I added some more to my post about taking responsibility for our feelings, and the idea of talking it out. I agree. The work is ours to do. They are really outside of it, and responsible only for themselves.</p><p></p><p>I am thinking of our children, here. We do not talk it out. Why? First, they are unreliable. But as much, we make these decisions independent of them based upon our own values and needs. How is this situation different? Sometimes people stay on in friendships not because of what happens but because of so much time and effort invested, water under the bridge. Marriage is like that too, for many. Is this inherently wrong? I do not think so.</p><p></p><p>You know. The reason I did not ever talk to this woman in my life about all of this is because at bottom I did not care enough. That is the truth of it. It could be that I was fundamentally flawed, I accept that. But that is what the truth is: I was indifferent. It boils down for you Nomad, to this question: Is there the the caring for your friend that will overcome the obstacles she is presenting, <em>which could have nothing at all to do with you</em>, which is what RE is suggesting.</p><p></p><p>But I will tell you this: I would not end a deep and enduring friendship of decades, which still nourished me, over an invitation or lack of one. That she did not include you could be based upon trust and confidence. Not the opposite. She could be assuming that she does not have to keep up appearances with you. Or she could be embarrassed that she does not have the means to compete with your standard of living. And she feels shame. In this case, your enduring friendship could support her. You really have it within you to look away from the hurt of it, based upon your continued caring for her, and decision that this friendship still serves important needs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 711496, member: 18958"] Nomad. I added some more to my post about taking responsibility for our feelings, and the idea of talking it out. I agree. The work is ours to do. They are really outside of it, and responsible only for themselves. I am thinking of our children, here. We do not talk it out. Why? First, they are unreliable. But as much, we make these decisions independent of them based upon our own values and needs. How is this situation different? Sometimes people stay on in friendships not because of what happens but because of so much time and effort invested, water under the bridge. Marriage is like that too, for many. Is this inherently wrong? I do not think so. You know. The reason I did not ever talk to this woman in my life about all of this is because at bottom I did not care enough. That is the truth of it. It could be that I was fundamentally flawed, I accept that. But that is what the truth is: I was indifferent. It boils down for you Nomad, to this question: Is there the the caring for your friend that will overcome the obstacles she is presenting, [I]which could have nothing at all to do with you[/I], which is what RE is suggesting. But I will tell you this: I would not end a deep and enduring friendship of decades, which still nourished me, over an invitation or lack of one. That she did not include you could be based upon trust and confidence. Not the opposite. She could be assuming that she does not have to keep up appearances with you. Or she could be embarrassed that she does not have the means to compete with your standard of living. And she feels shame. In this case, your enduring friendship could support her. You really have it within you to look away from the hurt of it, based upon your continued caring for her, and decision that this friendship still serves important needs. [/QUOTE]
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