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Substance Abuse
Is detaching ok right now? Or cruel?
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 681144" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Rebelson, I have been following along. I know it is hard, we naturally worry for our kids, especially when they have erratic, out of control behaviors.</p><p>The thing is, we cannot control what our kids do, only our reactions and responses. With my two, it has been "decided" for me, because <em>they have gone no contact.</em></p><p>What was left for me to do was decide what I needed to do for me. I needed to switch my focus to working on what I could have control of, myself.</p><p>I hope you keep posting here, and go to an Alanon meeting. I think it would be good to have some face to face time with parents who are going, or have gone through similar trials. It is in no way an easy fix, but it is also not impossible. It takes time and work. Little steps. Different direction.</p><p>It takes patience and coming to realize that the only control we have is over ourselves. </p><p>One day at a time.</p><p></p><p> This is hard to hear, but it is also part of your answer. He is telling you to step back.</p><p></p><p> It is okay for <em>you to choose what to do. </em>He is already telling you that<em> he wants to do what he wants to do.</em> No interference. Even if you continue to call him and check up on him, he is going to do what he wants to do.</p><p>If he wants to ride a bullet train, there is no reason for you to be riding it with him. </p><p>Get off of the train, and the tracks.</p><p>It does not make sense for you to go down the drain with your health and your life.</p><p><em>This will not prevent him from doing what he is doing. </em></p><p>Try to switch your focus.</p><p>I truly believe we do our kids the best service by trying to live our lives to the fullest, by our actions we are showing them what their potential is.</p><p>When I find myself worrying and awfullizing about my two and my grands I say a prayer.</p><p>If this is not your way, you can meditate, or write, go for a walk, do something that relaxes you. </p><p>Keep a journal of your feelings.</p><p>Do something a little or a lot different then what you have been doing.</p><p>Take up a new hobby.</p><p>Create a bucket list.</p><p>I think it is perfectly fine to take a break, a time out to regroup and rethink things.</p><p>It is a hard journey we all have.</p><p>We are warriors, even soldiers take some r&r.</p><p>You have value and worth, you matter Rebel.</p><p>You are not alone, we have all been where you are at, </p><p>trying to figure out how to get off the bullet train.</p><p>The fact that you are seeing this, </p><p>and wanting change is very big indeed.</p><p></p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 681144, member: 19522"] Rebelson, I have been following along. I know it is hard, we naturally worry for our kids, especially when they have erratic, out of control behaviors. The thing is, we cannot control what our kids do, only our reactions and responses. With my two, it has been "decided" for me, because [I]they have gone no contact.[/I] What was left for me to do was decide what I needed to do for me. I needed to switch my focus to working on what I could have control of, myself. I hope you keep posting here, and go to an Alanon meeting. I think it would be good to have some face to face time with parents who are going, or have gone through similar trials. It is in no way an easy fix, but it is also not impossible. It takes time and work. Little steps. Different direction. It takes patience and coming to realize that the only control we have is over ourselves. One day at a time. This is hard to hear, but it is also part of your answer. He is telling you to step back. It is okay for [I]you to choose what to do. [/I]He is already telling you that[I] he wants to do what he wants to do.[/I] No interference. Even if you continue to call him and check up on him, he is going to do what he wants to do. If he wants to ride a bullet train, there is no reason for you to be riding it with him. Get off of the train, and the tracks. It does not make sense for you to go down the drain with your health and your life. [I]This will not prevent him from doing what he is doing. [/I] Try to switch your focus. I truly believe we do our kids the best service by trying to live our lives to the fullest, by our actions we are showing them what their potential is. When I find myself worrying and awfullizing about my two and my grands I say a prayer. If this is not your way, you can meditate, or write, go for a walk, do something that relaxes you. Keep a journal of your feelings. Do something a little or a lot different then what you have been doing. Take up a new hobby. Create a bucket list. I think it is perfectly fine to take a break, a time out to regroup and rethink things. It is a hard journey we all have. We are warriors, even soldiers take some r&r. You have value and worth, you matter Rebel. You are not alone, we have all been where you are at, trying to figure out how to get off the bullet train. The fact that you are seeing this, and wanting change is very big indeed. (((HUGS))) leafy [/QUOTE]
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