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Parent Emeritus
Is it ever ok to just be "done?"
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 687619" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Walrus. The way I see it you are putting your relationship with your daughter in a trunk with mothballs.</p><p></p><p>I remember my mother had a fur cape from the 40's. It was one of those with the head and the feet attached. Like Davy Crockett. It had been the height of fashion. Until it wasn't.</p><p></p><p>One minute Betty Davis or Joan Crawford looked regal in a fur with feet on it, and the next Audrey Hepburn had a pixie cut and Grace Kelly had pearls.</p><p></p><p>So what does this have to do with you? Even furs with feet came back. Or could still. You are packing yours away, not donating it or giving it to the dog.</p><p></p><p>The reason this all is so painful is that children are not supposed to be like furs. When we put our deepest feelings into the trunk, we feel a deep void and emptiness which like it or not we fill with self-judgment or anger or some equally other icky feeling--or as bad--fear that others are doing that about us.</p><p></p><p>I see what you are doing as neutral. Neither bad or good. But survival. Your daughter is been hurtful to you and dangerous to you. You are packing the relationship away. You could take it out or not. We do not have to make her bad or you bad. It is just not the season or the time. Maybe some day you will decide differently.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 687619, member: 18958"] Walrus. The way I see it you are putting your relationship with your daughter in a trunk with mothballs. I remember my mother had a fur cape from the 40's. It was one of those with the head and the feet attached. Like Davy Crockett. It had been the height of fashion. Until it wasn't. One minute Betty Davis or Joan Crawford looked regal in a fur with feet on it, and the next Audrey Hepburn had a pixie cut and Grace Kelly had pearls. So what does this have to do with you? Even furs with feet came back. Or could still. You are packing yours away, not donating it or giving it to the dog. The reason this all is so painful is that children are not supposed to be like furs. When we put our deepest feelings into the trunk, we feel a deep void and emptiness which like it or not we fill with self-judgment or anger or some equally other icky feeling--or as bad--fear that others are doing that about us. I see what you are doing as neutral. Neither bad or good. But survival. Your daughter is been hurtful to you and dangerous to you. You are packing the relationship away. You could take it out or not. We do not have to make her bad or you bad. It is just not the season or the time. Maybe some day you will decide differently. [/QUOTE]
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Is it ever ok to just be "done?"
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