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Parent Emeritus
Is it ever ok to just be "done?"
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<blockquote data-quote="TheWalrus" data-source="post: 687635" data-attributes="member: 19905"><p>I wouldn't say it is truly apathy, because I do care what happens to her. I don't want her to hurt or do something that continues to put herself in harm's way, but I don't want to know, either. If I know, I am trapped with these hopeless and helpless feelings - like watching someone you love be tortured but not being able to step in and stop it, even though she is doing it to herself. So I would rather not see or know.</p><p></p><p>I don't want to hear from her because right now it would be nothing but pain. I think Copa put it in the best analogy - I am just packing her away for now, and forgetting her as much as I can. She is still there and there is always a possibility, however slight, that I may take that relationship back out. This time I am putting it all on her to make that happen so I accept it may stay packed away for a long time. Maybe forever. But I have done all I can and if I continue, I only hurt myself and the ones who love me without helping her at all. So it is time to just stop.</p><p></p><p>I was discussing this with a very good friend yesterday. People who don't have these kinds of issues just don't get it. All adult children go through rough patches, need help, need some support. These are "normal adult kid" problems. This isn't, "My car broke down and I need to borrow $500 so I can get to work," and you loan the money, they keep working and slowly pay you back. This isn't, "We are moving but we need somewhere to stay until the house gets ready," and they stay short term and move on to their next home. This isn't, "My babysitter quit and can you watch the kids while I work until I can set up something," for a few days. These aren't true, "temporary" hard times that every single person goes through regardless of age and you just need a little help through a rough spot. And people who have never experienced this have no concept and judge you through the lenses of their "normal adult kid problems," while tsk tsk-ing how they would NEVER turn their back on their child.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TheWalrus, post: 687635, member: 19905"] I wouldn't say it is truly apathy, because I do care what happens to her. I don't want her to hurt or do something that continues to put herself in harm's way, but I don't want to know, either. If I know, I am trapped with these hopeless and helpless feelings - like watching someone you love be tortured but not being able to step in and stop it, even though she is doing it to herself. So I would rather not see or know. I don't want to hear from her because right now it would be nothing but pain. I think Copa put it in the best analogy - I am just packing her away for now, and forgetting her as much as I can. She is still there and there is always a possibility, however slight, that I may take that relationship back out. This time I am putting it all on her to make that happen so I accept it may stay packed away for a long time. Maybe forever. But I have done all I can and if I continue, I only hurt myself and the ones who love me without helping her at all. So it is time to just stop. I was discussing this with a very good friend yesterday. People who don't have these kinds of issues just don't get it. All adult children go through rough patches, need help, need some support. These are "normal adult kid" problems. This isn't, "My car broke down and I need to borrow $500 so I can get to work," and you loan the money, they keep working and slowly pay you back. This isn't, "We are moving but we need somewhere to stay until the house gets ready," and they stay short term and move on to their next home. This isn't, "My babysitter quit and can you watch the kids while I work until I can set up something," for a few days. These aren't true, "temporary" hard times that every single person goes through regardless of age and you just need a little help through a rough spot. And people who have never experienced this have no concept and judge you through the lenses of their "normal adult kid problems," while tsk tsk-ing how they would NEVER turn their back on their child. [/QUOTE]
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Is it ever ok to just be "done?"
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