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Parent Emeritus
Is it ever ok to just be "done?"
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<blockquote data-quote="Ironbutterfly" data-source="post: 688331" data-attributes="member: 19951"><p>I think there are many stages of being done, each stage applies to different people. For me being done with my son is: </p><p>1) Not getting caught up in his drama stories. </p><p>2) I keep our conversations simple, to the point. </p><p>3) I know he lies half the time, his reality of the things is his reality. My reality is he has learned to lie to survive on the streets for all these years. I get it. I don't have to try and figure it out to make logical sense to me. </p><p>4) I love him, always will. BUT, I have to get on with my life. </p><p>5) I tried everything I could to help get him on the right path; he blind-sided me for the most part. He self-sabotaged.</p><p>6) He has defiance and impulse control disorder. He will do whatever he wants when he wants, when he feels impulses to do the things, the choices he makes. I can't control that. I tried, it didn't work</p><p>7) I tried to help him financially, it doesn't help. He gets SSDI so he has money. He gets taken advantage of- his choice as he refuses to go to social services and let folks help him get his life on track. He has payees that screw him over, again, he won't get the help so he could live a better life. </p><p>8) I have dealt with the guilt, the feelings of failing as a Mother. I feel I have paid the price and my debt is cleared. </p><p></p><p>I am not done with always loving him, wondering how he is...but I no longer let it consume my life. I went down that rabbit hole and almost destroyed me. I can't go there again. </p><p></p><p>It's ok to be done...whatever stage applies to folks on this road we travel here with our children.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Ironbutterfly, post: 688331, member: 19951"] I think there are many stages of being done, each stage applies to different people. For me being done with my son is: 1) Not getting caught up in his drama stories. 2) I keep our conversations simple, to the point. 3) I know he lies half the time, his reality of the things is his reality. My reality is he has learned to lie to survive on the streets for all these years. I get it. I don't have to try and figure it out to make logical sense to me. 4) I love him, always will. BUT, I have to get on with my life. 5) I tried everything I could to help get him on the right path; he blind-sided me for the most part. He self-sabotaged. 6) He has defiance and impulse control disorder. He will do whatever he wants when he wants, when he feels impulses to do the things, the choices he makes. I can't control that. I tried, it didn't work 7) I tried to help him financially, it doesn't help. He gets SSDI so he has money. He gets taken advantage of- his choice as he refuses to go to social services and let folks help him get his life on track. He has payees that screw him over, again, he won't get the help so he could live a better life. 8) I have dealt with the guilt, the feelings of failing as a Mother. I feel I have paid the price and my debt is cleared. I am not done with always loving him, wondering how he is...but I no longer let it consume my life. I went down that rabbit hole and almost destroyed me. I can't go there again. It's ok to be done...whatever stage applies to folks on this road we travel here with our children. [/QUOTE]
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Is it ever ok to just be "done?"
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