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Is it morally right for us to kick our 19 yo son out of the house?
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 615676" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>JakesMom, you have replied to an old post where your post may get lost. It would be better and offer you more support if you copied and pasted your post onto a new thread...............</p><p></p><p>Welcome. Your story is a sad one, but not an uncommon one, unfortunately. Yes, there are a few members who have encountered the rest of the family turning against the parents. People who don't live with these challenging kids just have no idea what we go through. It's tough when your family makes those kinds of choices. I'm sorry.</p><p></p><p>How you get through Christmas or anytime is you make sure you get as much support as you can. If you aren't already it may be prudent for you to get yourself in some kind of therapy, a parent group, a place where YOU will receive the support YOU need to be able to manage this landscape. It is very difficult and in your case made worse by your parents. </p><p></p><p>If you son threatened you then you absolutely did the right thing. However, in the case of our kids, doing the right thing sometimes feels pretty bad. We know how you feel. We know the heartbreak of having to throw our own kids out..............but you have to respond in appropriate ways and have clear consequences for that kind of behavior. The next time, if you allowed him to get away with that, he may threaten a stranger and end up in jail. </p><p></p><p>For the time being you will have to be able to acknowledge that you did the right thing and not seek approval outside of your immediate family. That sounds simple, but it isn't. In your heart, you know you are doing the right thing, but as parents, we all tend to second guess ourselves all the time. If you read enough stories on this site, you will be able to identify your son's behavior with many if not most of our kids here.............they act in similar ways and put us through many struggles and much suffering..............</p><p></p><p>If you get a chance read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. Move your post to it's own thread and keep posting. We really get it. Most people who do not live where we do don't get it, so it is wise to let go of thinking that people will understand and agree with your choices, which makes this site even more necessary and life saving. </p><p></p><p>Go do some nice nurturing things for yourself. Be kind to yourself. Take the focus off of your son now and put it onto yourself..........that shift of focus will make a big difference. Your son is making choices. He has to face the consequences of his behavior. You are doing the right thing.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 615676, member: 13542"] JakesMom, you have replied to an old post where your post may get lost. It would be better and offer you more support if you copied and pasted your post onto a new thread............... Welcome. Your story is a sad one, but not an uncommon one, unfortunately. Yes, there are a few members who have encountered the rest of the family turning against the parents. People who don't live with these challenging kids just have no idea what we go through. It's tough when your family makes those kinds of choices. I'm sorry. How you get through Christmas or anytime is you make sure you get as much support as you can. If you aren't already it may be prudent for you to get yourself in some kind of therapy, a parent group, a place where YOU will receive the support YOU need to be able to manage this landscape. It is very difficult and in your case made worse by your parents. If you son threatened you then you absolutely did the right thing. However, in the case of our kids, doing the right thing sometimes feels pretty bad. We know how you feel. We know the heartbreak of having to throw our own kids out..............but you have to respond in appropriate ways and have clear consequences for that kind of behavior. The next time, if you allowed him to get away with that, he may threaten a stranger and end up in jail. For the time being you will have to be able to acknowledge that you did the right thing and not seek approval outside of your immediate family. That sounds simple, but it isn't. In your heart, you know you are doing the right thing, but as parents, we all tend to second guess ourselves all the time. If you read enough stories on this site, you will be able to identify your son's behavior with many if not most of our kids here.............they act in similar ways and put us through many struggles and much suffering.............. If you get a chance read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. Move your post to it's own thread and keep posting. We really get it. Most people who do not live where we do don't get it, so it is wise to let go of thinking that people will understand and agree with your choices, which makes this site even more necessary and life saving. Go do some nice nurturing things for yourself. Be kind to yourself. Take the focus off of your son now and put it onto yourself..........that shift of focus will make a big difference. Your son is making choices. He has to face the consequences of his behavior. You are doing the right thing. [/QUOTE]
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Is it morally right for us to kick our 19 yo son out of the house?
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