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Is there no hope?
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 697218" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Welcome! I'm glad you found us but sorry you had to.</p><p></p><p>My heart goes out to you. </p><p></p><p></p><p>The only one that can undo the damage is your son. He first has to want to change. Change is not something we can force on another person, if it were then this site would not exist.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Your son's life choices are affecting your health and that is not good. I was going through cancer treatments when while dealing with my then adolescent out of control son. My Dr. knew what I was dealing with and told me I had to avoid stress. It was something that took time for me to really grasp. The stress of dealing with the chaos our difficult children bring into our lives can cause serious health issues. I came to realize that my health and my life matter. YOUR heath and life matter. I understand you want to be able to help your son but you first have to take care of and help yourself.</p><p></p><p></p><p>There is always hope. My son has chosen a life of being a drifter, at the present he's a little more stable as he found his dream job, he's a pot farmer. This is not what I had hoped for my son. My hope for him was to get a good respectable job and be a productive part of society. Here's the thing, that's what I wanted not what my son wanted. I had to let go of what I wanted and accept that it wasn't about me, it's about my son. I don't like the life he has chosen but I accept it. My son is 34 years old. </p><p></p><p>We do not have any control over our adult children. The best we can do for them is to let them know we love them. They have to forge their own path and make their own mistakes. We can help them along the way but we have to be careful. There's a fine line between helping and enabling. Enabling is not helping and will actually do more harm than the good. At some point our adult children have to figure things out for themselves as we the parents won't be around forever. It's my opinion that it's better to have them learn how to fend for themselves earlier rather than later. There are 65 year old difficult adult children that live at home with their parents and when their parents die they are really lost because they never had a chance to figure things out for themselves.</p><p></p><p>I know how hard it is to have a your one and only child be homeless. I live it. I have also learned that the homeless community is very well networked. They know how to find food and shelter. Again, it's not the life I wanted for my son but it's not about what I want.</p><p></p><p>I'm glad you are here with us. Take time for yourself, be good to yourself.</p><p></p><p>((HUGS))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 697218, member: 18516"] Welcome! I'm glad you found us but sorry you had to. My heart goes out to you. The only one that can undo the damage is your son. He first has to want to change. Change is not something we can force on another person, if it were then this site would not exist. Your son's life choices are affecting your health and that is not good. I was going through cancer treatments when while dealing with my then adolescent out of control son. My Dr. knew what I was dealing with and told me I had to avoid stress. It was something that took time for me to really grasp. The stress of dealing with the chaos our difficult children bring into our lives can cause serious health issues. I came to realize that my health and my life matter. YOUR heath and life matter. I understand you want to be able to help your son but you first have to take care of and help yourself. There is always hope. My son has chosen a life of being a drifter, at the present he's a little more stable as he found his dream job, he's a pot farmer. This is not what I had hoped for my son. My hope for him was to get a good respectable job and be a productive part of society. Here's the thing, that's what I wanted not what my son wanted. I had to let go of what I wanted and accept that it wasn't about me, it's about my son. I don't like the life he has chosen but I accept it. My son is 34 years old. We do not have any control over our adult children. The best we can do for them is to let them know we love them. They have to forge their own path and make their own mistakes. We can help them along the way but we have to be careful. There's a fine line between helping and enabling. Enabling is not helping and will actually do more harm than the good. At some point our adult children have to figure things out for themselves as we the parents won't be around forever. It's my opinion that it's better to have them learn how to fend for themselves earlier rather than later. There are 65 year old difficult adult children that live at home with their parents and when their parents die they are really lost because they never had a chance to figure things out for themselves. I know how hard it is to have a your one and only child be homeless. I live it. I have also learned that the homeless community is very well networked. They know how to find food and shelter. Again, it's not the life I wanted for my son but it's not about what I want. I'm glad you are here with us. Take time for yourself, be good to yourself. ((HUGS)) [/QUOTE]
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