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Parent Emeritus
Is there no hope?
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<blockquote data-quote="savior no more" data-source="post: 697237" data-attributes="member: 19838"><p>I'm glad you found us and I'm sorry you are struggling with your son. When I attach "hope" to anything I am setting myself up for wanting something to be different. I love my son dearly but through many trials with him I have eased along the journey of giving up expectations. The reason I have done this is my inner peace is directly in proportation to my expectations. Getting to this point has made me look at my extreme fear of losing him and my fear of abandonment. When I put the focus on MY feelings, MY fears instead of focusing on him then I can begin to make choices that are best for ME because all the years of trying to support his lack of esteem and ability by doing for him didn't stop him from making the choices he has made. If my happiness is dependent on him being a certain way then I may never achieve it and I'm better off looking at hope in the aspect of optimism in general rather than a specific instance. Usually if I focus on things I can control, such as my life, my behavior (which is a struggle for me too) then I am usually more opimistic. I agree with Darkwing about depression and brain chemistry too. When the brain is off I can't see the good. Slowly my desperation has decreased as I have experienced my true emotions regarding my Difficult Child. I know that as long as they are breathing there is hope but for me I'm tired of the constant mental maneuvering if he just would so and so.... or at least he so and so... and am focusing on radical acceptance of the situation as it is with no judgement. I still talk to my son and interact and even go to court so it's not like I have cut off communication. I have found for me that is what is best for me but I understand when others choose not to and that's not to say that I won't be there someday although I can't envision that.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="savior no more, post: 697237, member: 19838"] I'm glad you found us and I'm sorry you are struggling with your son. When I attach "hope" to anything I am setting myself up for wanting something to be different. I love my son dearly but through many trials with him I have eased along the journey of giving up expectations. The reason I have done this is my inner peace is directly in proportation to my expectations. Getting to this point has made me look at my extreme fear of losing him and my fear of abandonment. When I put the focus on MY feelings, MY fears instead of focusing on him then I can begin to make choices that are best for ME because all the years of trying to support his lack of esteem and ability by doing for him didn't stop him from making the choices he has made. If my happiness is dependent on him being a certain way then I may never achieve it and I'm better off looking at hope in the aspect of optimism in general rather than a specific instance. Usually if I focus on things I can control, such as my life, my behavior (which is a struggle for me too) then I am usually more opimistic. I agree with Darkwing about depression and brain chemistry too. When the brain is off I can't see the good. Slowly my desperation has decreased as I have experienced my true emotions regarding my Difficult Child. I know that as long as they are breathing there is hope but for me I'm tired of the constant mental maneuvering if he just would so and so.... or at least he so and so... and am focusing on radical acceptance of the situation as it is with no judgement. I still talk to my son and interact and even go to court so it's not like I have cut off communication. I have found for me that is what is best for me but I understand when others choose not to and that's not to say that I won't be there someday although I can't envision that. [/QUOTE]
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