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Is this something that you shouldn't do
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<blockquote data-quote="Elsi" data-source="post: 741519" data-attributes="member: 23349"><p>Trying, my heart goes out to you. It is so hard to wonder and worry and not know what’s going on with them. Mine are only 40 minutes away In the city but it often feels like it may as well be a thousand miles. I don’t know where either of them are staying right now. Their cell phones are often off because they do the prepaid minutes and often run out. Even if they are on, they often don’t return my texts or calls. I don’t hear from them unless they want something. If there was an emergency, I would have no idea where to find them. </p><p></p><p>I agree with others here that it’s better to stop bailing them out from self-created problems. My two difficult ones will never have credit. They can’t even manage a bank account - they inevitably overdraft, get into a spiraling negative balance, and finally just walk away from the whole mess. I used to try to help them out. I finally realized the more money I threw at them the more trouble they got themselves into. At least now they’ll never have giant credit card debt, because no bank is going to offer them credit.</p><p></p><p>I sincerely hope your son is still sober and just too caught up in his own journey right now to think about niceties like thank yous. I’ve learned not to expect too much from mine in that department. My mom and stepdad have decided not to send any more gifts since they are rarely acknowledged, and I dont blame them one bit - natural consequence there. But to be honest they are so caught up in themselves and day to day survival I’m not sure they notice. They don’t participate much with extended family anymore. </p><p></p><p>On rare occasions when I do offer to help with something, I also want to pay the company or creditor directly. If this makes them mad, with mine I’m fairly sure it means they wanted the cash for something else. I have no idea if that’s the case with your son or not, but I wouldn’t budge on this one. </p><p></p><p>It is really hard to know they are suffering. I know you think the distance makes it harder, but the truth is there are things we can’t help them with even if we are in the same house. Depression is a lonely road, whether you’re actually alone or surrounded by people. In some ways, having the distance may be good. It forces him to stand up and take responsibility for his own dad day life. Those choices are his to make, no matter how close or far he is. </p><p></p><p>I hope you are taking care of yourself. Be extra kind to yourself right now. Hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Elsi, post: 741519, member: 23349"] Trying, my heart goes out to you. It is so hard to wonder and worry and not know what’s going on with them. Mine are only 40 minutes away In the city but it often feels like it may as well be a thousand miles. I don’t know where either of them are staying right now. Their cell phones are often off because they do the prepaid minutes and often run out. Even if they are on, they often don’t return my texts or calls. I don’t hear from them unless they want something. If there was an emergency, I would have no idea where to find them. I agree with others here that it’s better to stop bailing them out from self-created problems. My two difficult ones will never have credit. They can’t even manage a bank account - they inevitably overdraft, get into a spiraling negative balance, and finally just walk away from the whole mess. I used to try to help them out. I finally realized the more money I threw at them the more trouble they got themselves into. At least now they’ll never have giant credit card debt, because no bank is going to offer them credit. I sincerely hope your son is still sober and just too caught up in his own journey right now to think about niceties like thank yous. I’ve learned not to expect too much from mine in that department. My mom and stepdad have decided not to send any more gifts since they are rarely acknowledged, and I dont blame them one bit - natural consequence there. But to be honest they are so caught up in themselves and day to day survival I’m not sure they notice. They don’t participate much with extended family anymore. On rare occasions when I do offer to help with something, I also want to pay the company or creditor directly. If this makes them mad, with mine I’m fairly sure it means they wanted the cash for something else. I have no idea if that’s the case with your son or not, but I wouldn’t budge on this one. It is really hard to know they are suffering. I know you think the distance makes it harder, but the truth is there are things we can’t help them with even if we are in the same house. Depression is a lonely road, whether you’re actually alone or surrounded by people. In some ways, having the distance may be good. It forces him to stand up and take responsibility for his own dad day life. Those choices are his to make, no matter how close or far he is. I hope you are taking care of yourself. Be extra kind to yourself right now. Hugs. [/QUOTE]
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