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<blockquote data-quote="skittles" data-source="post: 754729" data-attributes="member: 2484"><p>beebz, i too have had that “is this your first time”, and “second” and “third”. Hopefully 3 times the charm, my son is 33 now and out of prison for 5 years with no recidivism, many felons simply seem to grow out of it eventually as they get older and hopefully more stable. as im sure youvsaw, most of them inside are young men, often no more than kids, each with a heartbroken mother. First time my son was a minor, i bailed him out which turned out to be a big mistake. I never did again. The last time he spent over a year in detention because i wouldnt bail him out, waiting for his court date before he went to prison for 4 more years. As much as he did his best to guilt trip me, i tell you that 5 years he was inside was so peaceful! Cheaper too since he wasnt always trying “borrow” money from me. He only got commissary money from me for Christmas and birthday so he had to get a job inside. He was quite far away, i visited once or twice a year. So all i can say is as hard as it is to watch our kids struggle, you know he has a roof over his head, hopefully some programs inside to help him. I found that my rescuing behaviours became so stressful for me that after i finished panicing and crying when i relized he would be gone for so long, the freedom of literally having all control and ability to rescue taken away from me was a life saver. For the first time the enforced distance meant I began to live my life more for me and less for him. I dont mean to minimize the hurt you must feel and the struggle your son is going through but maybe you can find this gives you a much needed break and distance too</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="skittles, post: 754729, member: 2484"] beebz, i too have had that “is this your first time”, and “second” and “third”. Hopefully 3 times the charm, my son is 33 now and out of prison for 5 years with no recidivism, many felons simply seem to grow out of it eventually as they get older and hopefully more stable. as im sure youvsaw, most of them inside are young men, often no more than kids, each with a heartbroken mother. First time my son was a minor, i bailed him out which turned out to be a big mistake. I never did again. The last time he spent over a year in detention because i wouldnt bail him out, waiting for his court date before he went to prison for 4 more years. As much as he did his best to guilt trip me, i tell you that 5 years he was inside was so peaceful! Cheaper too since he wasnt always trying “borrow” money from me. He only got commissary money from me for Christmas and birthday so he had to get a job inside. He was quite far away, i visited once or twice a year. So all i can say is as hard as it is to watch our kids struggle, you know he has a roof over his head, hopefully some programs inside to help him. I found that my rescuing behaviours became so stressful for me that after i finished panicing and crying when i relized he would be gone for so long, the freedom of literally having all control and ability to rescue taken away from me was a life saver. For the first time the enforced distance meant I began to live my life more for me and less for him. I dont mean to minimize the hurt you must feel and the struggle your son is going through but maybe you can find this gives you a much needed break and distance too [/QUOTE]
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