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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 745047" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Elsi. The first thing that we need to do is to separate and disengage the stuff from the dreams. Its stuff. I know. I have the same problem.</p><p></p><p>As long as we infuse the stuff with want, with yearning, with loss, we cannot make a meaningful decision about stuff. Because the stuff comes to represent aspects of ourselves, and our lives, over which we have no control. So we can never ever deal with our stuff, if it is in this realm.</p><p></p><p>I want to make a couple of points here. We have a finite amount of time left to live. Every single thing we do, takes up some of that time. Everything we don't do, we are less likely to do in our lifetimes. This dithering has consequences.</p><p></p><p>Every day you hold onto this junk, R goes without. She is too kind and self-efacing to say it but you are choosing against her, and yourself to hold out for the kids. Which is in no way saying that you are giving up with the kids.</p><p></p><p>The kids. (Let's set aside stuff about which you feel passionately attached, and focus on the junk.) Why can't you decide to pass it on and when the kids are ready, spend a few days going to yard sales with them to replace the stuff.</p><p></p><p>I have the same issues. My guts hurt even typing this. But if I think about it, it's pure nuts. This stuff is not worth this agony. The kids will do better or not independent of the destiny of the junk.</p><p></p><p>My relationship with my mom will not get better now that she is dead, dependent on the disposition of her stuff.</p><p></p><p>Elsi. I think you've already decided on this. I think you want the exercise room or workshop. I think you and r deserve it. I think what's stopping you is guilt, and a distorted sense of control. That somehow what you do with the junk will affect what happens to the kids. The two things are completely unrelated except in our minds, because we have arbitrarily linked them. We can unlink them.</p><p></p><p> I think the kids will do better and in time have households. I think it would be really fun to go to yard sales with them and buy a few things at IKEA and online. When it is time.</p><p></p><p>Why not write separate stories for the stuff and for the kids, and see if you can come up with happy but separate endings. I will try, too.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 745047, member: 18958"] Elsi. The first thing that we need to do is to separate and disengage the stuff from the dreams. Its stuff. I know. I have the same problem. As long as we infuse the stuff with want, with yearning, with loss, we cannot make a meaningful decision about stuff. Because the stuff comes to represent aspects of ourselves, and our lives, over which we have no control. So we can never ever deal with our stuff, if it is in this realm. I want to make a couple of points here. We have a finite amount of time left to live. Every single thing we do, takes up some of that time. Everything we don't do, we are less likely to do in our lifetimes. This dithering has consequences. Every day you hold onto this junk, R goes without. She is too kind and self-efacing to say it but you are choosing against her, and yourself to hold out for the kids. Which is in no way saying that you are giving up with the kids. The kids. (Let's set aside stuff about which you feel passionately attached, and focus on the junk.) Why can't you decide to pass it on and when the kids are ready, spend a few days going to yard sales with them to replace the stuff. I have the same issues. My guts hurt even typing this. But if I think about it, it's pure nuts. This stuff is not worth this agony. The kids will do better or not independent of the destiny of the junk. My relationship with my mom will not get better now that she is dead, dependent on the disposition of her stuff. Elsi. I think you've already decided on this. I think you want the exercise room or workshop. I think you and r deserve it. I think what's stopping you is guilt, and a distorted sense of control. That somehow what you do with the junk will affect what happens to the kids. The two things are completely unrelated except in our minds, because we have arbitrarily linked them. We can unlink them. I think the kids will do better and in time have households. I think it would be really fun to go to yard sales with them and buy a few things at IKEA and online. When it is time. Why not write separate stories for the stuff and for the kids, and see if you can come up with happy but separate endings. I will try, too. [/QUOTE]
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