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Substance Abuse
Issues with my son
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 746625" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>This is so ridiculous I can't even believe it.</p><p>I would not engage at all. There is no need to and you will just wade into the weeds, and he wins, when there is chaos.I don't know the legal ins and outs but if you know that your husband holds the trump card, there is is no need to get into it with your son.</p><p></p><p>You know your bottom line:</p><p>Period. </p><p></p><p>I would try to approach this in the most simplified and neutral way. Since your husband is the one on the lease, maybe he is the one to speak to your son. </p><p></p><p>You are helping him financially, emotionally, morally. If he were to do such a ridiculous and hostile and disrespectful thing, it would undermine both the spirit of the program and it would take away the security you need. YOU NEED THIS. You are asking NOTHING from him. </p><p></p><p>If he does not want to give respect, nor acknowledge the history in word and deed that gives rise to the need of the program and his parents for this kind of safety procedure, that is sad. But you require it. End of story. </p><p></p><p>The thing is my worry is like your own. You don't want to set up a war, where each side ups the ante. But what is your choice. One of you needs to say something like, <em>the safety checks are part of the program and they reassure us. </em></p><p></p><p>That is entirely reasonable and non-confrontational.</p><p></p><p>I would not go further with him. I would not try to convince him. I would not explain. I would not get into it with him. </p><p></p><p>He needs to decide. He may even be coming up with this nonsense in order to both undermine the program, set up a situation where he can set up a war, leave in a huff, and blame you. Who knows?</p><p></p><p>But the thing is, you can avoid stepping into whatever drama he may come up with either planned or unplanned.</p><p></p><p>He will have to choose whether or not he wants to remain in the program or not. It's really not about the safety checks. </p><p></p><p>You have no control. No matter how great a program this is, and how much you like it and want it for him, he will have to decide. </p><p></p><p>I question why he wants to undermine this now, but this seems to be part of his M.O. He will have to overcome this, now, or at some point in the future. Better off that he do this now. That's why it's important you leave all of this in his hands, and not give him any reason to make it your fault.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 746625, member: 18958"] This is so ridiculous I can't even believe it. I would not engage at all. There is no need to and you will just wade into the weeds, and he wins, when there is chaos.I don't know the legal ins and outs but if you know that your husband holds the trump card, there is is no need to get into it with your son. You know your bottom line: Period. I would try to approach this in the most simplified and neutral way. Since your husband is the one on the lease, maybe he is the one to speak to your son. You are helping him financially, emotionally, morally. If he were to do such a ridiculous and hostile and disrespectful thing, it would undermine both the spirit of the program and it would take away the security you need. YOU NEED THIS. You are asking NOTHING from him. If he does not want to give respect, nor acknowledge the history in word and deed that gives rise to the need of the program and his parents for this kind of safety procedure, that is sad. But you require it. End of story. The thing is my worry is like your own. You don't want to set up a war, where each side ups the ante. But what is your choice. One of you needs to say something like, [I]the safety checks are part of the program and they reassure us. [/I] That is entirely reasonable and non-confrontational. I would not go further with him. I would not try to convince him. I would not explain. I would not get into it with him. He needs to decide. He may even be coming up with this nonsense in order to both undermine the program, set up a situation where he can set up a war, leave in a huff, and blame you. Who knows? But the thing is, you can avoid stepping into whatever drama he may come up with either planned or unplanned. He will have to choose whether or not he wants to remain in the program or not. It's really not about the safety checks. You have no control. No matter how great a program this is, and how much you like it and want it for him, he will have to decide. I question why he wants to undermine this now, but this seems to be part of his M.O. He will have to overcome this, now, or at some point in the future. Better off that he do this now. That's why it's important you leave all of this in his hands, and not give him any reason to make it your fault. [/QUOTE]
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