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Substance Abuse
Issues with my son
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 746645" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>There is no telling when the waking up will occur. He could be very close or very far. Waking up could be one day away. Or it could never come. TL does not want to impose any of her own emotions, expectations, judgements, anxieties onto the process. I think this is wise. Let him stand alone, with support, not with "stuff." I see in myself that I will get anxious and afraid and I will impose all of this structure, expectation, desperation onto my son. When I think about it, all of that is about me. No wonder he sometimes responds to me as if I was some Dracula or Werewolf he has to defend against. </p><p></p><p>However "right" we are doesn't matter.</p><p></p><p>Great idea.</p><p>This is very illuminating for me in terms of my own situation. </p><p></p><p>I have been unable to clarify to myself just why I threw my son out. There was so much rigidity and desperation on my part. And so much vulnerability on the part of my son. </p><p></p><p>By throwing him out, this turned the tables. For a short time I was empowered and he needy. Did I want that in the long-term? Absolutely not. When I finally settled in, it was worse for me, that he be vulnerable and I struggled emotionally.</p><p></p><p>You see I have a hard time remembering it was about this simple thing: I could not give him safe harbor to hurt himself. </p><p></p><p>Now. I understand that TL's son relapses to hard drugs and alcoholism. I get that. But to me the consumption of any substance or behavior, legal or not, that leads to dysfunction, being out of control, and suffering is the same. It's just on a continuum.</p><p></p><p>I guess what I am saying is that what TL wrote helps me to better accept what I did.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 746645, member: 18958"] There is no telling when the waking up will occur. He could be very close or very far. Waking up could be one day away. Or it could never come. TL does not want to impose any of her own emotions, expectations, judgements, anxieties onto the process. I think this is wise. Let him stand alone, with support, not with "stuff." I see in myself that I will get anxious and afraid and I will impose all of this structure, expectation, desperation onto my son. When I think about it, all of that is about me. No wonder he sometimes responds to me as if I was some Dracula or Werewolf he has to defend against. However "right" we are doesn't matter. Great idea. This is very illuminating for me in terms of my own situation. I have been unable to clarify to myself just why I threw my son out. There was so much rigidity and desperation on my part. And so much vulnerability on the part of my son. By throwing him out, this turned the tables. For a short time I was empowered and he needy. Did I want that in the long-term? Absolutely not. When I finally settled in, it was worse for me, that he be vulnerable and I struggled emotionally. You see I have a hard time remembering it was about this simple thing: I could not give him safe harbor to hurt himself. Now. I understand that TL's son relapses to hard drugs and alcoholism. I get that. But to me the consumption of any substance or behavior, legal or not, that leads to dysfunction, being out of control, and suffering is the same. It's just on a continuum. I guess what I am saying is that what TL wrote helps me to better accept what I did. [/QUOTE]
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