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It’s always something
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<blockquote data-quote="Elsi" data-source="post: 740146" data-attributes="member: 23349"><p>Sigh. I suppose you’re both right - they know how to survive, if only just barely. And no, I can’t bring him here. </p><p></p><p>He just seemed so ready to make something work. I really thought if I could just help him get his living situation stabilized he was ready to start getting his life back on track. He seemed to want it so badly. He seemed motivated to do the work. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Aren’t they always? So many circumstances. So much bad luck. So many crazy people, unreasonable expectations, crossed signals, and changed plans.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>That sounds exactly what I hear every time. I did everything they asked. I held my temper and was polite even when they were going crazy. I followed all the rules. I don’t understand what happened and why they changed their minds. We had a deal and I upheld my part.</p><p></p><p>But it happens. Every. Time. There is a mysterious completely unforeseeable argument over something that is of course not his fault, as any reasonable person could see.</p><p></p><p>But all his living situations fall apart this way. Friends, family, strangers off Craigslist. They all seem to decide they don’t want him there very shortly after he moves in. Funny how that works. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I know this, but I need to hear it.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Oh yes. This is exactly right.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>A good way to look at it. Am i actually being selfish for helping him? But I feel selfish when I don’t help him, when I leave him on the streets when I have a comfortable unused guest room right here. I feel selfish for prioritizing my own peace and comfort over his safety. I still fall into the trap of thinking maybe I could save him here, if I were only willing to sacrifice more. It’s hard to think of it the other way, that denying him the consequences of his actions may be the more selfish course. I’ll have to ponder that.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>He’s not on parole - his felony charge was five years ago and he’s completed everything. So he’s free to go. And he talks about it all the time. But there are always things he wants to do first - get his license back, save up for a car, get a little savings together to get started with. And those things never happen. So he never goes. I feel bad for thinking I’d be relieved if he did go, because then I wouldn’t be as accessible to call on for crises.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I know you’re right. And it helps to hear that you’ve never heard of anyone starving or freezing to death in all your time of the boards. Because of course that’s what’s playing on my disaster channel right now. Headline: ‘man freezes to death because mother wouldn’t move cats out of the guest room.’ </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes. Thank you, Copa. I needed that. I need to be tied to my mast tonight. Hearing the despair and desperation in his voice is a siren call to me. I will absolutely crash on the rocks if I answer it. He will grab onto me and drag me under with him. I have been there before and I can’t do it again. It’s just so hard to remember sometimes.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Elsi, post: 740146, member: 23349"] Sigh. I suppose you’re both right - they know how to survive, if only just barely. And no, I can’t bring him here. He just seemed so ready to make something work. I really thought if I could just help him get his living situation stabilized he was ready to start getting his life back on track. He seemed to want it so badly. He seemed motivated to do the work. Aren’t they always? So many circumstances. So much bad luck. So many crazy people, unreasonable expectations, crossed signals, and changed plans. That sounds exactly what I hear every time. I did everything they asked. I held my temper and was polite even when they were going crazy. I followed all the rules. I don’t understand what happened and why they changed their minds. We had a deal and I upheld my part. But it happens. Every. Time. There is a mysterious completely unforeseeable argument over something that is of course not his fault, as any reasonable person could see. But all his living situations fall apart this way. Friends, family, strangers off Craigslist. They all seem to decide they don’t want him there very shortly after he moves in. Funny how that works. I know this, but I need to hear it. Oh yes. This is exactly right. A good way to look at it. Am i actually being selfish for helping him? But I feel selfish when I don’t help him, when I leave him on the streets when I have a comfortable unused guest room right here. I feel selfish for prioritizing my own peace and comfort over his safety. I still fall into the trap of thinking maybe I could save him here, if I were only willing to sacrifice more. It’s hard to think of it the other way, that denying him the consequences of his actions may be the more selfish course. I’ll have to ponder that. He’s not on parole - his felony charge was five years ago and he’s completed everything. So he’s free to go. And he talks about it all the time. But there are always things he wants to do first - get his license back, save up for a car, get a little savings together to get started with. And those things never happen. So he never goes. I feel bad for thinking I’d be relieved if he did go, because then I wouldn’t be as accessible to call on for crises. I know you’re right. And it helps to hear that you’ve never heard of anyone starving or freezing to death in all your time of the boards. Because of course that’s what’s playing on my disaster channel right now. Headline: ‘man freezes to death because mother wouldn’t move cats out of the guest room.’ Yes. Thank you, Copa. I needed that. I need to be tied to my mast tonight. Hearing the despair and desperation in his voice is a siren call to me. I will absolutely crash on the rocks if I answer it. He will grab onto me and drag me under with him. I have been there before and I can’t do it again. It’s just so hard to remember sometimes. [/QUOTE]
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