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It’s always something
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 740148" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Or, they are hoboes. Living off the fringes, because they won’t be tied down to conventional living. It looks and feels too “Wrinkle in Time” too “Stepford”. That’s what I think.</p><p><em>We are the weird ones, the </em>robots, working nine to five, the establishment.</p><p>They are perpetual Woodstock.</p><p>Are our kids related Elsi? The same type of things happen to Rain, hit by a car, foot ran over, no insurance, no going to a doctor, hobbling around for months. Then there was the leg infection. Her father died of sepsis, for God’s sakes. She lay there in the park with a high fever, called my youngest to bring soup. Leg super swollen. She refused to get medical help. Said it made her look weak to her friends.</p><p>Sigh.</p><p>There seems to be this dark cloud of unfortunate events holding them back from progressing. It almost seems planned and timed, just when it looks like things are looking up....boom. Or are they egging fate on, taunting it to mess up any hope of returning to normalcy?</p><p>And it is never, ever their fault.</p><p>If it wasn’t so damned heart wrenching, it would make for a dark comedy.</p><p>My plan, is to follow their lead and act like the “always something”, is just another Tuesday.</p><p>My other three are really, really good at that, shaking off the “something”, looking skyward, and saying to me “Are you surprised?”</p><p><em>I want to be them. </em></p><p><em>Let it go, Leafy.</em></p><p>My falling into a pit of despair, becoming despondent and crushed does nothing. Except put a hold on my life, struggling to recuperate from blows that are not mine to begin with. It’s like the consequences snuck past them and whacked me upside the head.</p><p> <em>That is on me</em>. I am working on <em>ducking</em>.</p><p>What else I need to avoid is the terrible awfuls I create in my head, the possible suffering they will go through, which really creates a suffering for me.</p><p>I am writing to myself, and to you. And Copa. And myself. And everyone.</p><p>Kudos to those like LBL and RN and others who have been able to pull their kids out of this. I hope upon hope that it sticks. That they stay on track.</p><p>But for my two, a thousand times a thousand, I can’t buffer any of this. For them.</p><p>Can you tell I am angry? I’m sorry, but I hate this, for all of us.</p><p>So, if I can turn that anger into righteous indignation and declare myself free to live well despite what my two are doing, that is what I need to do. To hell with the terrible awfuls and the days I want to wear a T-shirt that says my daughters are hooked on meth, in jail, homeless.</p><p>It is their life. Their choices.</p><p> It is not mine to wear.</p><p>I’m sorry for the rant guys. You are right Elsi, it is always something, and it is disheartening. But it is your sons something, Copa’s sons something, my daughters something.</p><p>I am determined to not allow their “always something” to be my undoing.</p><p>I hope the same for all of us. That we rise above the consequences and “somethings” our adult kids get themselves into.</p><p>(((Hugs)))</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 740148, member: 19522"] Or, they are hoboes. Living off the fringes, because they won’t be tied down to conventional living. It looks and feels too “Wrinkle in Time” too “Stepford”. That’s what I think. [I]We are the weird ones, the [/I]robots, working nine to five, the establishment. They are perpetual Woodstock. Are our kids related Elsi? The same type of things happen to Rain, hit by a car, foot ran over, no insurance, no going to a doctor, hobbling around for months. Then there was the leg infection. Her father died of sepsis, for God’s sakes. She lay there in the park with a high fever, called my youngest to bring soup. Leg super swollen. She refused to get medical help. Said it made her look weak to her friends. Sigh. There seems to be this dark cloud of unfortunate events holding them back from progressing. It almost seems planned and timed, just when it looks like things are looking up....boom. Or are they egging fate on, taunting it to mess up any hope of returning to normalcy? And it is never, ever their fault. If it wasn’t so damned heart wrenching, it would make for a dark comedy. My plan, is to follow their lead and act like the “always something”, is just another Tuesday. My other three are really, really good at that, shaking off the “something”, looking skyward, and saying to me “Are you surprised?” [I]I want to be them. Let it go, Leafy.[/I] My falling into a pit of despair, becoming despondent and crushed does nothing. Except put a hold on my life, struggling to recuperate from blows that are not mine to begin with. It’s like the consequences snuck past them and whacked me upside the head. [I]That is on me[/I]. I am working on [I]ducking[/I]. What else I need to avoid is the terrible awfuls I create in my head, the possible suffering they will go through, which really creates a suffering for me. I am writing to myself, and to you. And Copa. And myself. And everyone. Kudos to those like LBL and RN and others who have been able to pull their kids out of this. I hope upon hope that it sticks. That they stay on track. But for my two, a thousand times a thousand, I can’t buffer any of this. For them. Can you tell I am angry? I’m sorry, but I hate this, for all of us. So, if I can turn that anger into righteous indignation and declare myself free to live well despite what my two are doing, that is what I need to do. To hell with the terrible awfuls and the days I want to wear a T-shirt that says my daughters are hooked on meth, in jail, homeless. It is their life. Their choices. It is not mine to wear. I’m sorry for the rant guys. You are right Elsi, it is always something, and it is disheartening. But it is your sons something, Copa’s sons something, my daughters something. I am determined to not allow their “always something” to be my undoing. I hope the same for all of us. That we rise above the consequences and “somethings” our adult kids get themselves into. (((Hugs))) Leafy [/QUOTE]
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