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Parent Emeritus
It’s me struggling again...
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<blockquote data-quote="JayPee" data-source="post: 750328" data-attributes="member: 23405"><p>Thanks for your input. It was not cash but a gas card but you’re able to use it for buying food and other items at the convenient store connected to the gas station. He claims using the A/C in this heat is what uses up the gas so quickly. </p><p></p><p>I do understand it is as much to heal my discomfort as I feel it is to heal his that I do this. </p><p></p><p>How do I find that strength to be the change? I know it’s God but even tho I pray every day, I repeat this same pattern over and over. </p><p></p><p>I did suffer severe verbal abuse from my alcoholic ex husband for many years but I accepted it. You are right Copa somehow I feel I deserve it. I don’t quite know how to get to the bottom of that problem. I have so many self-help books I could start my own library. When I read and journal I’m so inspired but then I drop the ball when I get out into the action part of living what I’ve learned. </p><p></p><p>I have not met my son to gas his vehicle but to be honest I keep looking at my blocked voicemails to see if he has called again. He hasn’t but I am so use to re-acting and trying to make everything better. I know some of this behavior stems from living for decades with the insanity of a chronic alcoholic but I’m tired of blaming my issues on that and want so badly to figure where I play the part in the problems I have. </p><p></p><p>I will pray and ask God to help me. There’s obviously something He wants me to learn here that I’m not getting.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JayPee, post: 750328, member: 23405"] Thanks for your input. It was not cash but a gas card but you’re able to use it for buying food and other items at the convenient store connected to the gas station. He claims using the A/C in this heat is what uses up the gas so quickly. I do understand it is as much to heal my discomfort as I feel it is to heal his that I do this. How do I find that strength to be the change? I know it’s God but even tho I pray every day, I repeat this same pattern over and over. I did suffer severe verbal abuse from my alcoholic ex husband for many years but I accepted it. You are right Copa somehow I feel I deserve it. I don’t quite know how to get to the bottom of that problem. I have so many self-help books I could start my own library. When I read and journal I’m so inspired but then I drop the ball when I get out into the action part of living what I’ve learned. I have not met my son to gas his vehicle but to be honest I keep looking at my blocked voicemails to see if he has called again. He hasn’t but I am so use to re-acting and trying to make everything better. I know some of this behavior stems from living for decades with the insanity of a chronic alcoholic but I’m tired of blaming my issues on that and want so badly to figure where I play the part in the problems I have. I will pray and ask God to help me. There’s obviously something He wants me to learn here that I’m not getting. [/QUOTE]
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