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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 764817" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Dear lms. Somehow, when I went to reply to your post above, and New Leaf's too, this quote came up. I copied it a couple of days ago and did not know how to respond. I knew that your daughter-in-law's words sounded wrong, but I was unsure how. I will try to write what I feel.</p><p></p><p>She is taking what is an act of love and responsibility, your desire to protect and nurture your grandchildren, as a controlling act on your part, as if you are imposing your values on them and her. Which is the last thing you are doing. You are trying to pick up the pieces to repair a family that she has broken, over and over again by serving herself and her addictions. She seems unable to see that her children, your grandchildren are anything more than what she needs them to be, her family., like possessions. She does not seem to see or recognize that as her children, they have separate selves and separate needs beyond being hers. By this statement, she shows her utter inadequacy to be a real parent. I am sorry if these words are hurtful. I had no idea I felt so strongly.</p><p></p><p>I want to thank you, lms, for these beautiful words and thoughts. More and more I am doing what you pray for, but I do have such sharp pain and loss about my son. I am so grateful for your care, lms and New Leaf. I pray for you both. I admire you both. I am so thankful that you are both in my life. This is such a gift. I was thinking the last couple of days, that besides M, nobody, but nobody in my life understands the depth of my pain, and can speak to it in a gentle and caring way.</p><p></p><p>My friends just ignore the fact I have a son. If you could only know what a delight my son was for me before this nightmare started. I cannot believe his light turned dark. I just can't believe it.</p><p></p><p>My friends use me. This sounds harsh, and it may be. This is not to say I don't love them. But in any real way, they are unable and unwilling to give to me, what I give to them. They show that by believing and acting as if my son is just some shadow in the corner, to be unseen. He can't be unseen, and my love for him and my pain, have been the elephant in the living room of my life. Thank you for seeing the real me, and caring about me. You are a treasure. Love Copa</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 764817, member: 18958"] Dear lms. Somehow, when I went to reply to your post above, and New Leaf's too, this quote came up. I copied it a couple of days ago and did not know how to respond. I knew that your daughter-in-law's words sounded wrong, but I was unsure how. I will try to write what I feel. She is taking what is an act of love and responsibility, your desire to protect and nurture your grandchildren, as a controlling act on your part, as if you are imposing your values on them and her. Which is the last thing you are doing. You are trying to pick up the pieces to repair a family that she has broken, over and over again by serving herself and her addictions. She seems unable to see that her children, your grandchildren are anything more than what she needs them to be, her family., like possessions. She does not seem to see or recognize that as her children, they have separate selves and separate needs beyond being hers. By this statement, she shows her utter inadequacy to be a real parent. I am sorry if these words are hurtful. I had no idea I felt so strongly. I want to thank you, lms, for these beautiful words and thoughts. More and more I am doing what you pray for, but I do have such sharp pain and loss about my son. I am so grateful for your care, lms and New Leaf. I pray for you both. I admire you both. I am so thankful that you are both in my life. This is such a gift. I was thinking the last couple of days, that besides M, nobody, but nobody in my life understands the depth of my pain, and can speak to it in a gentle and caring way. My friends just ignore the fact I have a son. If you could only know what a delight my son was for me before this nightmare started. I cannot believe his light turned dark. I just can't believe it. My friends use me. This sounds harsh, and it may be. This is not to say I don't love them. But in any real way, they are unable and unwilling to give to me, what I give to them. They show that by believing and acting as if my son is just some shadow in the corner, to be unseen. He can't be unseen, and my love for him and my pain, have been the elephant in the living room of my life. Thank you for seeing the real me, and caring about me. You are a treasure. Love Copa [/QUOTE]
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