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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 746369" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Dear New Leaf.</p><p></p><p>It's always a great pleasure when you return. I share your sense of helplessness and pain with my child on the street. This quote here from Elsi seems to say it all:Unfortunately, where I fall down is I try to insert another outcome, fueled by my unwillingness or inability to accept my son's choices. This is my growing edge. So. By acknowledging this, I know now what my learning is.</p><p></p><p>It seems that he wants to meet on Saturday, his suggestion, so it will likely be one more train trip to meet him. Whether or not he shows this time, I won't know.</p><p></p><p>My choice continues to be to meet him 3/4 of the way. Literally and metaphorically. I no longer talk about conditions. How many times do they bear repeating? I decided that at least a thousand was enough.</p><p></p><p>Acacia who above mentions the a book on parenting the narcissistic or borderline adult child, says she recognizes that <em>SHE IS THE ONE WHO HAS TO CHANGE.</em> I am unclear whether my son has a personality disorder, but I think he has a developmental disorder.</p><p></p><p>So I ask myself,<em> what does that mean, for me? What should I change</em>? </p><p></p><p><u>To not insert an alternative, hoped for ending...into a sentence which is my son's to write.</u></p><p></p><p>To stay in the present. To not have any expectations one way or another. To hear him out. To listen to myself. To make room for how I feel. And to be willing to give myself what I need, rather than leap into some action or commitment, without factoring in myself, based upon some should or want. </p><p></p><p>I think that I will NOT make any decisions about anything until I come home.</p><p></p><p>I am afraid to see my son. It is 6 months that he has been homeless. And I have not seen him in that time. That is the longest time without seeing him in all of our life together. I am afraid of how he will look.</p><p></p><p>But I am leaping into the future here, which I promised not to do.</p><p></p><p>It feels like what we are doing here, is <em>embracing limbo.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>I hope all of you and your families remain safe.</em></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 746369, member: 18958"] Dear New Leaf. It's always a great pleasure when you return. I share your sense of helplessness and pain with my child on the street. This quote here from Elsi seems to say it all:Unfortunately, where I fall down is I try to insert another outcome, fueled by my unwillingness or inability to accept my son's choices. This is my growing edge. So. By acknowledging this, I know now what my learning is. It seems that he wants to meet on Saturday, his suggestion, so it will likely be one more train trip to meet him. Whether or not he shows this time, I won't know. My choice continues to be to meet him 3/4 of the way. Literally and metaphorically. I no longer talk about conditions. How many times do they bear repeating? I decided that at least a thousand was enough. Acacia who above mentions the a book on parenting the narcissistic or borderline adult child, says she recognizes that [I]SHE IS THE ONE WHO HAS TO CHANGE.[/I] I am unclear whether my son has a personality disorder, but I think he has a developmental disorder. So I ask myself,[I] what does that mean, for me? What should I change[/I]? [U]To not insert an alternative, hoped for ending...into a sentence which is my son's to write.[/U] To stay in the present. To not have any expectations one way or another. To hear him out. To listen to myself. To make room for how I feel. And to be willing to give myself what I need, rather than leap into some action or commitment, without factoring in myself, based upon some should or want. I think that I will NOT make any decisions about anything until I come home. I am afraid to see my son. It is 6 months that he has been homeless. And I have not seen him in that time. That is the longest time without seeing him in all of our life together. I am afraid of how he will look. But I am leaping into the future here, which I promised not to do. It feels like what we are doing here, is [I]embracing limbo. I hope all of you and your families remain safe.[/I] [/QUOTE]
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