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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 746372" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>My son very occasionally says things like, <em>Mom, I'll turn this around. Just wait. </em>And by the next time he's in touch, he's down, and things seem the same.</p><p></p><p>He mentioned today he could not meet tomorrow because he's meeting with some counselor. Are these magic words, or the keys to the kingdom, or is he (finally, just a little bit) coming to grips with the need to do something. I'll accept it, even if it's instrumental. It's something.</p><p></p><p>Because I am accepting that my son probably has some sort of processing disorder where he is unable to organize his actions into a sequence so that he can effectively plan. He did have a neuropsychological exam when he was an infant and I do remember there was an issue with sequencing thought.</p><p></p><p>But there is help. People seek and accept help. That is my issue. Life is not just in the moment, and escaping from the moment. There is more. That is my issue.I begin to hyperventilate when I read this. <em>THERE IS NO WAY ANY OF US CAN OR SHOULD LIVE LIKE THIS.</em></p><p></p><p>Your two, New Leaf, do not meet you even 10 percent of the way. They impose their chaos and dysfunction and they victimize you. In this they are dangerous. It is their way or the highway. In your home.</p><p></p><p>My situation is a little better in that there is the other house and my son has not used hard drugs, as far as I know. When he first came back here about 4 years ago, he really did try.</p><p></p><p>If I could turn back the clock I would have responded differently. I would have given more support, and been less judgmental and reactive. I have had a hard time accepting my son's limits. This is another learning edge. I love my son.</p><p></p><p>These threads have helped me a great deal. I think I am calmer, a bit more hopeful, and a bit more realistic and hopefully, a bit more accepting. There are things to be grateful for with my son. And there is my great fear, about his health. Which is another kind of teacher.</p><p></p><p>New Leaf. From afar it feels to me that your daughters want you to take 100 percent responsibility and culpability for them and for the fact that they continue to want to stay the same. They are choosing this. They want you to accept all of the damage and chaos and risk and degradation...and to accept blame and responsibility too. As far as I can hear, they offer nothing. It is not that they could not be and have something different, but so far they locate the wanting and will in circumstances, and you, (because after all, we become circumstances, too, not beings)and not in themselves.</p><p></p><p>And still, you look to yourself, and ask, <em>is it me? </em>You very quickly remind yourself of the reality of the situation. But it is very sad to me that there is even 5 seconds of doubt.</p><p></p><p>We are all of us like this, in a conversation with our inner selves, about this doubt, fear and love.</p><p></p><p>I hope you stay here for awhile again, New Leaf. We have missed you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 746372, member: 18958"] My son very occasionally says things like, [I]Mom, I'll turn this around. Just wait. [/I]And by the next time he's in touch, he's down, and things seem the same. He mentioned today he could not meet tomorrow because he's meeting with some counselor. Are these magic words, or the keys to the kingdom, or is he (finally, just a little bit) coming to grips with the need to do something. I'll accept it, even if it's instrumental. It's something. Because I am accepting that my son probably has some sort of processing disorder where he is unable to organize his actions into a sequence so that he can effectively plan. He did have a neuropsychological exam when he was an infant and I do remember there was an issue with sequencing thought. But there is help. People seek and accept help. That is my issue. Life is not just in the moment, and escaping from the moment. There is more. That is my issue.I begin to hyperventilate when I read this. [I]THERE IS NO WAY ANY OF US CAN OR SHOULD LIVE LIKE THIS.[/I] Your two, New Leaf, do not meet you even 10 percent of the way. They impose their chaos and dysfunction and they victimize you. In this they are dangerous. It is their way or the highway. In your home. My situation is a little better in that there is the other house and my son has not used hard drugs, as far as I know. When he first came back here about 4 years ago, he really did try. If I could turn back the clock I would have responded differently. I would have given more support, and been less judgmental and reactive. I have had a hard time accepting my son's limits. This is another learning edge. I love my son. These threads have helped me a great deal. I think I am calmer, a bit more hopeful, and a bit more realistic and hopefully, a bit more accepting. There are things to be grateful for with my son. And there is my great fear, about his health. Which is another kind of teacher. New Leaf. From afar it feels to me that your daughters want you to take 100 percent responsibility and culpability for them and for the fact that they continue to want to stay the same. They are choosing this. They want you to accept all of the damage and chaos and risk and degradation...and to accept blame and responsibility too. As far as I can hear, they offer nothing. It is not that they could not be and have something different, but so far they locate the wanting and will in circumstances, and you, (because after all, we become circumstances, too, not beings)and not in themselves. And still, you look to yourself, and ask, [I]is it me? [/I]You very quickly remind yourself of the reality of the situation. But it is very sad to me that there is even 5 seconds of doubt. We are all of us like this, in a conversation with our inner selves, about this doubt, fear and love. I hope you stay here for awhile again, New Leaf. We have missed you. [/QUOTE]
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