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Jaded Perspective vs Reality
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<blockquote data-quote="dstc_99" data-source="post: 638611" data-attributes="member: 15473"><p>I agree MWM that we give the best advice we can....and that nobody has to listen. I guess I just think that sometimes it is healthy for us to remember these people are fragile, we don't know the whole story and never will, and that these people are just feeling there way into getting support. We don't have to get them through all the AA steps on meeting one. My point is that very few people make changes immediately. If that were the case battered wives would leave the first time (or prior to) they were abused. They go to a doctor and that doctor tells them to leave and they just can't make themselves do it. It takes time and growth and support for them to get there. Even thought the abuse is severe and life threatening they still let it continue.</p><p> </p><p>In our case most of our difficult child's start out much smaller. Verbal abuse, threatening, school failures, small time drug use. All of those things are bad but no where near as bad as getting beaten. If it takes a battered wife years to detach and leave. I can understand why it might take the parent of a difficult child a while to start making changes and detach if needed. Of course the difficult child's often ramp up their actions and that makes it easier and easier to make the changes.</p><p> </p><p>I get what you are saying MWM. I really do. But scaring people doesnt encourage them to come back for support. (No I am not saying you scare people. I think we all do at some point when we have a harsh reaction to their situation.) Helping them feel their way into the situation and giving them some valuable steps to get there seems like a much better idea. In fact its almost like we need a twelve step program for dealing with difficult child's. Things we can do to learn, mend, grow, and then progress into life with tools for the future?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dstc_99, post: 638611, member: 15473"] I agree MWM that we give the best advice we can....and that nobody has to listen. I guess I just think that sometimes it is healthy for us to remember these people are fragile, we don't know the whole story and never will, and that these people are just feeling there way into getting support. We don't have to get them through all the AA steps on meeting one. My point is that very few people make changes immediately. If that were the case battered wives would leave the first time (or prior to) they were abused. They go to a doctor and that doctor tells them to leave and they just can't make themselves do it. It takes time and growth and support for them to get there. Even thought the abuse is severe and life threatening they still let it continue. In our case most of our difficult child's start out much smaller. Verbal abuse, threatening, school failures, small time drug use. All of those things are bad but no where near as bad as getting beaten. If it takes a battered wife years to detach and leave. I can understand why it might take the parent of a difficult child a while to start making changes and detach if needed. Of course the difficult child's often ramp up their actions and that makes it easier and easier to make the changes. I get what you are saying MWM. I really do. But scaring people doesnt encourage them to come back for support. (No I am not saying you scare people. I think we all do at some point when we have a harsh reaction to their situation.) Helping them feel their way into the situation and giving them some valuable steps to get there seems like a much better idea. In fact its almost like we need a twelve step program for dealing with difficult child's. Things we can do to learn, mend, grow, and then progress into life with tools for the future? [/QUOTE]
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