Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Jail, Rehab
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 657160" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>That is why everything had to be perfect. I could not risk a real response. Everything had to be censored, had to be kind. Because of the hatred, and because of that lust of vengeance I had to believe was real to survive the horror of those things I lived.</p><p></p><p>I lived.</p><p></p><p>And now, I am coming alive in all my imperfectness.</p><p></p><p>And I am so proud of that little girl I was, and of that young woman who chose kind every time, and of that frightened young mother, flying by the seat of her pants with her heart in her throat.</p><p></p><p>Good job, Cedar.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>So, this must be what it feels like to stand up, without having to force it. Without having to pretend that we have legs, and firm ground to stand on, when we don't.</p><p></p><p>Now, we do.</p><p></p><p>And it just feels like, pretty normal. No fear, eating away at the heart of my integrity about whether what I'm doing is okay, or is my stupid mother.</p><p></p><p>There's ~ I don't know. There seems to be alot more room in here, now. Like when you move into a really big house, and it turns out to be that Victorian mansion you have been exploring in the scarier dreams.</p><p></p><p>Here is something that may or may not, apply: So, Carlos Castenada wrote a story about a shaman who changed his hero into an earthworm. And, when the hero was back, the shaman asked what he knew now, about earthworm life. The answer: "I was all powerful. I moved the Earth with my motions, I consumed the Earth."</p><p></p><p>And some other stuff I cannot remember now, but you get the idea.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 657160, member: 17461"] That is why everything had to be perfect. I could not risk a real response. Everything had to be censored, had to be kind. Because of the hatred, and because of that lust of vengeance I had to believe was real to survive the horror of those things I lived. I lived. And now, I am coming alive in all my imperfectness. And I am so proud of that little girl I was, and of that young woman who chose kind every time, and of that frightened young mother, flying by the seat of her pants with her heart in her throat. Good job, Cedar. *** So, this must be what it feels like to stand up, without having to force it. Without having to pretend that we have legs, and firm ground to stand on, when we don't. Now, we do. And it just feels like, pretty normal. No fear, eating away at the heart of my integrity about whether what I'm doing is okay, or is my stupid mother. There's ~ I don't know. There seems to be alot more room in here, now. Like when you move into a really big house, and it turns out to be that Victorian mansion you have been exploring in the scarier dreams. Here is something that may or may not, apply: So, Carlos Castenada wrote a story about a shaman who changed his hero into an earthworm. And, when the hero was back, the shaman asked what he knew now, about earthworm life. The answer: "I was all powerful. I moved the Earth with my motions, I consumed the Earth." And some other stuff I cannot remember now, but you get the idea. Cedar [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Jail, Rehab
Top