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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 657292" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Many, many things you said resonated with me, especially how the mother puts value on unimportant things. And ignores things like compassion, the desire of one to help another, the goodness of one's heart, etc. Looks, brains (you can be a jerk with a brain), things that make her look good...she liked that. "My son graduated from XXXXXX University with honors. My daughters are pretty." She was also big on "not fat." That surely launched 2 into her what I feel is a lifelong eating disorder. Sick, sick, sick.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Even if you were thirty and a beauty queen, this shows that your mother is jealous of something superficial...your looks. </p><p></p><p></p><p>If you were raised in a family that says you love one another because you are family and the parents set an example, sure, he may have said it. But he was raised the opposite. I don't think it was his obligation to say it. I just would have cut off the trash talk and probably would have said, "You talk to him...he is my brother...or you don't talk to me either." I would not have participated in a will that excluded a sibling. Not before it happened to me. That's why E. didn't like me...in part, I did not play her idea of a good daughter. If I thought she did something wrong, I told her. And I was her scapegoat. I didn't have that right. How dare I not give one of my kids my grandmother's money and not cut out the other two! SHE told me to do it because HER mother wrote it down, after I warned her not to, and she cared far more about her mother, dead or alive, than she ever cared about me or my kids. She did not recognize a mother being a good, fair mother. She saw it as defiance.</p><p>Such strange minds we dealt with!</p><p></p><p></p><p>Reprehensible behavior. I mean, short and sweet. There is no defense of this.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Me too, but we are not alone. Adults who grew up and still deal with unloving families all feel foolish and tricked when we finally catch on. At least we did catch on, even though we aren't young anymore. We know the truth now about them and ourselves. And, yes, we can go through this together.</p><p>I already feel much better and have accepted that I was delusional about E., Thing 1, Thing 2, and Uncle Love Myself Madly. </p><p>And I'm starting to feel ok that I missed it. It was easy to miss and to deny when we WANTED a family...but we didn't have one. Not a FOO.</p><p></p><p>Oh, well. We don't need them.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 657292, member: 1550"] Many, many things you said resonated with me, especially how the mother puts value on unimportant things. And ignores things like compassion, the desire of one to help another, the goodness of one's heart, etc. Looks, brains (you can be a jerk with a brain), things that make her look good...she liked that. "My son graduated from XXXXXX University with honors. My daughters are pretty." She was also big on "not fat." That surely launched 2 into her what I feel is a lifelong eating disorder. Sick, sick, sick. Even if you were thirty and a beauty queen, this shows that your mother is jealous of something superficial...your looks. If you were raised in a family that says you love one another because you are family and the parents set an example, sure, he may have said it. But he was raised the opposite. I don't think it was his obligation to say it. I just would have cut off the trash talk and probably would have said, "You talk to him...he is my brother...or you don't talk to me either." I would not have participated in a will that excluded a sibling. Not before it happened to me. That's why E. didn't like me...in part, I did not play her idea of a good daughter. If I thought she did something wrong, I told her. And I was her scapegoat. I didn't have that right. How dare I not give one of my kids my grandmother's money and not cut out the other two! SHE told me to do it because HER mother wrote it down, after I warned her not to, and she cared far more about her mother, dead or alive, than she ever cared about me or my kids. She did not recognize a mother being a good, fair mother. She saw it as defiance. Such strange minds we dealt with! Reprehensible behavior. I mean, short and sweet. There is no defense of this. Me too, but we are not alone. Adults who grew up and still deal with unloving families all feel foolish and tricked when we finally catch on. At least we did catch on, even though we aren't young anymore. We know the truth now about them and ourselves. And, yes, we can go through this together. I already feel much better and have accepted that I was delusional about E., Thing 1, Thing 2, and Uncle Love Myself Madly. And I'm starting to feel ok that I missed it. It was easy to miss and to deny when we WANTED a family...but we didn't have one. Not a FOO. Oh, well. We don't need them. [/QUOTE]
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