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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 657565" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Oh, Cedar, lol. That is my dilemma. </p><p></p><p>I have many neurological glitches, such as face blindness, which makes it very hard for me to remember who anyone is, even if I have knwon that person for ten years. All they have to do is change a hairstyle and they look like a stranger to me. I've been tested by neuropsychs several times. All of them found a severe non-verbal learning disability which is kind of the opposite of autism with some similarieis.</p><p></p><p>You have good to great verbal skills. Mine were in the superior range. I was always good at talking, giving speeches, expressing myself and creative writing. But...then we get to my perforamnce level IQ, which is how you can do things and in my opinion is more important in the workforce than how well you can speak. And my performance IQ is in the low average range---85. Math often is really horrible for somebody with a N V L D which means non verbal learning disabliity (that is the abbreiviation). Concentration can be challenging. Organization is challenged. Handwriting is often a mess (mine was). Also, we share the icky traits of not being able to read body language or understand how to make small talk with autistics (both of us have these traits). We can speak well, but we do not know what to talk about. So we are dumbstruck at parties. Smalltalk bores us to death and puzzles us. Groups have too much stimuli and are too impersonal. They bore us too and confuse us. We are mostly introverts who underachieved in school. My FOO never tried to find anyone who could help my school issues. There were bigger fish to fry, like having long hair and attracting boys.</p><p></p><p>My school problems would have been there even I had had loving prents, but maybe loving, tuned-in parents would have sat and helped me with homework or gotten me a tutor who was NOT just around when I was going to have to pass or class or not graduate...I really needed one for most classes all the time. And they did have the money. They just didn't like to spend it. And E. was not invested in my future. She told me early I was to learn to type because then I'd always be able to get a job. I did go a half year to a junior college for rich flunkies, but I didn't do that well there so I decided that my goal should be to learn how to type well. </p><p></p><p>I did not learn to type well. The first class I took, I flunked. Typing. I am poorly coordinated and that includes my fingers. But the second time I tok the same class, I did exactly what the teacher told me to do. I did not fold my legs. I did not try to go fast. I just had to do what she asked. At the end, I was a whiz typist.</p><p></p><p>All my life I have started out very slow and ended up above average, but my early slowness cost me many jobs. My Neuropsychology diagnosis states cognitive disorder not otherwise specified as my second diagnosis. And it's true. So I qualify for a job coach and some supports. And this "the stupid one" is probably another reason why E. picked on me, although she did seem to care more that I keep my hair long than I pass my classes. My dad? Uninvolved and out of the house. I wish I could call him out for being afraid of her, but I was too and I get it. I can't be angry with him. He is the only FOO person who does not favor others over me and nothing 1 and 2 say will change that. I appreciate that more than I should because of E., and 2 (1 is pretty much not much in my thoughts). </p><p></p><p>Cedar, I am a a different style learner. Once I do learn I have a really good memory. I also tend to get stuck kon topics and research them to death. Right now it's family of origin and I'm so glad I took this on. It is such a relief to know that there are thousands of #'s who are selfish, shallow and abusive to ONE child and thousands of Thing 2's who don't believe she was abusive at all...it was me. That is the usual scenario in so many families that I smile now thinking about how cliche our sick family was...for a sick family. </p><p></p><p>My FOO has a short history (grandma and E.) of favoring their sons and other men. All E's Golden People were men. The loan exception was one of my nieces who was a bit troubled. "She needs me" she said when questioned about why she was interering with 2's parenting. She had promised never to do that because my grandma had interferred with ME and helped ME and had made MY life so much better, but hers so much worse...haha. So I guess it was ok for E. to favor one of her grandchildren "because she needs me" but it wasn't ok for her mother to favor me, and she did, "because she needs me." My grandmother knew. She got it. Interesting that E. repeated something she thought was so awful for her. Every time I was upset with her, I'd run to my grandma's loving arms. And it killed her. And she promised not to repeat it. But she did. No insight. None. No looking back and thinking, "Hmmmmm...that must have been wh at my mother was thinking when she gave a safe haven to MY troubled child." </p><p></p><p>What a bogus person with no consistency in her life.</p><p></p><p>But this is so common I feel tons better. Many have left their families. Many were left behind and are not able to see the truth and are happy they were left behind by the dysfunction. Most have their own families now, like me, and have good ones. Often the more Golden children stumble along. Sometimes not. Thing 1's physical issues still challenge him. I still admire how he handles them. I don't know him as person to have an opinion. Thing 2 can not handle her own personal life without causing drama of her own making. </p><p></p><p>I did better. So I feel a silent win.</p><p></p><p>Cedar, you have that silent win. Look for it. Value it. I am going to post one of the places I went where I got validation and you can read it too. I think I've hit every site that exists about the golden child and the scapegoat and dysfunctional families...lol. I am now a walking encyclopedia about them!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 657565, member: 1550"] Oh, Cedar, lol. That is my dilemma. I have many neurological glitches, such as face blindness, which makes it very hard for me to remember who anyone is, even if I have knwon that person for ten years. All they have to do is change a hairstyle and they look like a stranger to me. I've been tested by neuropsychs several times. All of them found a severe non-verbal learning disability which is kind of the opposite of autism with some similarieis. You have good to great verbal skills. Mine were in the superior range. I was always good at talking, giving speeches, expressing myself and creative writing. But...then we get to my perforamnce level IQ, which is how you can do things and in my opinion is more important in the workforce than how well you can speak. And my performance IQ is in the low average range---85. Math often is really horrible for somebody with a N V L D which means non verbal learning disabliity (that is the abbreiviation). Concentration can be challenging. Organization is challenged. Handwriting is often a mess (mine was). Also, we share the icky traits of not being able to read body language or understand how to make small talk with autistics (both of us have these traits). We can speak well, but we do not know what to talk about. So we are dumbstruck at parties. Smalltalk bores us to death and puzzles us. Groups have too much stimuli and are too impersonal. They bore us too and confuse us. We are mostly introverts who underachieved in school. My FOO never tried to find anyone who could help my school issues. There were bigger fish to fry, like having long hair and attracting boys. My school problems would have been there even I had had loving prents, but maybe loving, tuned-in parents would have sat and helped me with homework or gotten me a tutor who was NOT just around when I was going to have to pass or class or not graduate...I really needed one for most classes all the time. And they did have the money. They just didn't like to spend it. And E. was not invested in my future. She told me early I was to learn to type because then I'd always be able to get a job. I did go a half year to a junior college for rich flunkies, but I didn't do that well there so I decided that my goal should be to learn how to type well. I did not learn to type well. The first class I took, I flunked. Typing. I am poorly coordinated and that includes my fingers. But the second time I tok the same class, I did exactly what the teacher told me to do. I did not fold my legs. I did not try to go fast. I just had to do what she asked. At the end, I was a whiz typist. All my life I have started out very slow and ended up above average, but my early slowness cost me many jobs. My Neuropsychology diagnosis states cognitive disorder not otherwise specified as my second diagnosis. And it's true. So I qualify for a job coach and some supports. And this "the stupid one" is probably another reason why E. picked on me, although she did seem to care more that I keep my hair long than I pass my classes. My dad? Uninvolved and out of the house. I wish I could call him out for being afraid of her, but I was too and I get it. I can't be angry with him. He is the only FOO person who does not favor others over me and nothing 1 and 2 say will change that. I appreciate that more than I should because of E., and 2 (1 is pretty much not much in my thoughts). Cedar, I am a a different style learner. Once I do learn I have a really good memory. I also tend to get stuck kon topics and research them to death. Right now it's family of origin and I'm so glad I took this on. It is such a relief to know that there are thousands of #'s who are selfish, shallow and abusive to ONE child and thousands of Thing 2's who don't believe she was abusive at all...it was me. That is the usual scenario in so many families that I smile now thinking about how cliche our sick family was...for a sick family. My FOO has a short history (grandma and E.) of favoring their sons and other men. All E's Golden People were men. The loan exception was one of my nieces who was a bit troubled. "She needs me" she said when questioned about why she was interering with 2's parenting. She had promised never to do that because my grandma had interferred with ME and helped ME and had made MY life so much better, but hers so much worse...haha. So I guess it was ok for E. to favor one of her grandchildren "because she needs me" but it wasn't ok for her mother to favor me, and she did, "because she needs me." My grandmother knew. She got it. Interesting that E. repeated something she thought was so awful for her. Every time I was upset with her, I'd run to my grandma's loving arms. And it killed her. And she promised not to repeat it. But she did. No insight. None. No looking back and thinking, "Hmmmmm...that must have been wh at my mother was thinking when she gave a safe haven to MY troubled child." What a bogus person with no consistency in her life. But this is so common I feel tons better. Many have left their families. Many were left behind and are not able to see the truth and are happy they were left behind by the dysfunction. Most have their own families now, like me, and have good ones. Often the more Golden children stumble along. Sometimes not. Thing 1's physical issues still challenge him. I still admire how he handles them. I don't know him as person to have an opinion. Thing 2 can not handle her own personal life without causing drama of her own making. I did better. So I feel a silent win. Cedar, you have that silent win. Look for it. Value it. I am going to post one of the places I went where I got validation and you can read it too. I think I've hit every site that exists about the golden child and the scapegoat and dysfunctional families...lol. I am now a walking encyclopedia about them!! [/QUOTE]
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