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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 691833" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>This was an enormously useful response, Recovering. But difficult, because I realize that M has his way of triggering the same thing. So all of a sudden I began to wonder if I need to leave him.</p><p></p><p>My way of thinking is like your own, except because I have collapsed from the shame ball, my thinking has been temporarily disabled. I will buy that book by Brene Brown and while I am there at the prison I will use that time to repair my boundaries. </p><p></p><p>I have a huge problem with shame, largely unacknowledged and unaddressed by me. My SO, M, is very direct. Very honest. Detail oriented and a perfectionist. In this sense hard to live with. I feel anger at his comments lots of times, and I believe I am defending against shame (and also angry.)</p><p></p><p>I am not a quitter. I never have been. I would like to work close to 6 months in order to meet some financial objectives (actually recoup a lot of the money that I have spent these last 3 plus years without working.) If I could really use this environment to address this weakness, it would be a good thing. But I cannot deceive myself. Sometimes nothing is worth the money *or the relationship. This is not one of those really toxic prisons. There are a lot of nice staff, although for some reason I am not that interested in making friendships except with one lady. Well, one lady is a lot.</p><p>I agree. It will only be too toxic to me if I do nothing about changing myself. In my house as a child, there was a lot of shaming going on. By both parents, and later my step-father. </p><p></p><p>I like the concept of not accepting the shame ball. Letting it go past me. Watching her direct it, and then seeing it go right past my left ear and dissolve on a wall. My demeanor did not let her see any response. But inside me, it stuck. </p><p></p><p></p><p>Thank you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 691833, member: 18958"] This was an enormously useful response, Recovering. But difficult, because I realize that M has his way of triggering the same thing. So all of a sudden I began to wonder if I need to leave him. My way of thinking is like your own, except because I have collapsed from the shame ball, my thinking has been temporarily disabled. I will buy that book by Brene Brown and while I am there at the prison I will use that time to repair my boundaries. I have a huge problem with shame, largely unacknowledged and unaddressed by me. My SO, M, is very direct. Very honest. Detail oriented and a perfectionist. In this sense hard to live with. I feel anger at his comments lots of times, and I believe I am defending against shame (and also angry.) I am not a quitter. I never have been. I would like to work close to 6 months in order to meet some financial objectives (actually recoup a lot of the money that I have spent these last 3 plus years without working.) If I could really use this environment to address this weakness, it would be a good thing. But I cannot deceive myself. Sometimes nothing is worth the money *or the relationship. This is not one of those really toxic prisons. There are a lot of nice staff, although for some reason I am not that interested in making friendships except with one lady. Well, one lady is a lot. I agree. It will only be too toxic to me if I do nothing about changing myself. In my house as a child, there was a lot of shaming going on. By both parents, and later my step-father. I like the concept of not accepting the shame ball. Letting it go past me. Watching her direct it, and then seeing it go right past my left ear and dissolve on a wall. My demeanor did not let her see any response. But inside me, it stuck. Thank you. [/QUOTE]
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