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Substance Abuse
Just feeling weak about the collateral damage
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<blockquote data-quote="Sam3" data-source="post: 723968" data-attributes="member: 19290"><p>Thank you</p><p></p><p>Both of you mentioned the communication component and yes sticking to feelings has always worked best. My H defaults to defensive</p><p></p><p>I’ve been challenged by my resentment, just like you said, RE. The loneliness isn’t the source. I think it’s because I was better prepared for how ugly this can get— I had a raging alcoholic brother, but just as importantly, I’ve been to Alanon and parent meetings and here, reminding myself constantly. When i tried to share that to give context to whatever fresh new low was happening, he said it wasn’t helpful. </p><p></p><p>But now he’s wounded in a way that’s more personal than intended, by these DCs.</p><p></p><p>I was feeling like he wasn’t acting as the adult in the room. But it’s actually that he wasn’t acting with the education he needed.</p><p></p><p>And I’m hurting for my son and for me. It may feel to my son that he completed that subconscious circle DCs sometimes have— to bring about the exact abandonment they fear, or loathing in someone else that they actually have for themselves.</p><p></p><p>And for me. My H and I have been an unwaivering team on this through the years. But he hasn’t been doing the training and was not prepared for the games to get harder.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Sam3, post: 723968, member: 19290"] Thank you Both of you mentioned the communication component and yes sticking to feelings has always worked best. My H defaults to defensive I’ve been challenged by my resentment, just like you said, RE. The loneliness isn’t the source. I think it’s because I was better prepared for how ugly this can get— I had a raging alcoholic brother, but just as importantly, I’ve been to Alanon and parent meetings and here, reminding myself constantly. When i tried to share that to give context to whatever fresh new low was happening, he said it wasn’t helpful. But now he’s wounded in a way that’s more personal than intended, by these DCs. I was feeling like he wasn’t acting as the adult in the room. But it’s actually that he wasn’t acting with the education he needed. And I’m hurting for my son and for me. It may feel to my son that he completed that subconscious circle DCs sometimes have— to bring about the exact abandonment they fear, or loathing in someone else that they actually have for themselves. And for me. My H and I have been an unwaivering team on this through the years. But he hasn’t been doing the training and was not prepared for the games to get harder. [/QUOTE]
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Just feeling weak about the collateral damage
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