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Substance Abuse
Just feeling weak about the collateral damage
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 723969" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>I understand your predicament Sam. It took my husband a long time to learn about mental illness and learn compassion as opposed to judging. I grew up with it, I've been surrounded by it my whole life, he hasn't, he had no clue. I've learned so much over the years, I've educated myself, forgiven, learned compassion......but I had to learn to let the expectations that others know/understand/feel empathy, etc. go. Sigh. It's tough being the guy in the middle.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes, very insightful Sam. I see that with my daughter too. She continues to experience abandonment as she won't get help to heal the wounds......it's hard to watch that and be powerless to change it.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Very perceptive. I think men process these kinds of events very differently than we do. Often we gather information, look for guidance and support......however, they often don't go that route. </p><p></p><p>I was recently having a discussion with my husband about physical altercations with fathers and sons. He has 2 grown sons and never had that kind of altercation, but friends of his have..... in our discussion, what I heard is that those physical altercations are very difficult for men to reconcile. He said, " a line is crossed." We, as women, may not understand that line or what happens when it's crossed...my husband said something like that will take time to get thru. It was heavier than I would have thought.</p><p></p><p>We as women may not really understand the dynamic that happens once an altercation of that nature takes place between a father and a son. It may take your husband time to work his way thru it. And, he may not be able to discuss it quite yet.</p><p></p><p>In the meantime, I hope you can find ways to nourish yourself.....you've all been thru a trauma.....</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 723969, member: 13542"] I understand your predicament Sam. It took my husband a long time to learn about mental illness and learn compassion as opposed to judging. I grew up with it, I've been surrounded by it my whole life, he hasn't, he had no clue. I've learned so much over the years, I've educated myself, forgiven, learned compassion......but I had to learn to let the expectations that others know/understand/feel empathy, etc. go. Sigh. It's tough being the guy in the middle. Yes, very insightful Sam. I see that with my daughter too. She continues to experience abandonment as she won't get help to heal the wounds......it's hard to watch that and be powerless to change it. Very perceptive. I think men process these kinds of events very differently than we do. Often we gather information, look for guidance and support......however, they often don't go that route. I was recently having a discussion with my husband about physical altercations with fathers and sons. He has 2 grown sons and never had that kind of altercation, but friends of his have..... in our discussion, what I heard is that those physical altercations are very difficult for men to reconcile. He said, " a line is crossed." We, as women, may not understand that line or what happens when it's crossed...my husband said something like that will take time to get thru. It was heavier than I would have thought. We as women may not really understand the dynamic that happens once an altercation of that nature takes place between a father and a son. It may take your husband time to work his way thru it. And, he may not be able to discuss it quite yet. In the meantime, I hope you can find ways to nourish yourself.....you've all been thru a trauma..... [/QUOTE]
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Just feeling weak about the collateral damage
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