Humour is a life-saver. But it CAN backfire, out in public.
Example - I was shopping last week with difficult child 1. We were in a wholesale place, he was loading up a box for me with the frozen lasagne I'd bought. I forget what I said to him, I was teasing him fairly hard about having weird tastes and how I preferred things differently. He replied, "That's because you're a FREAK!"
I could hear people gasp. This young man (dressed like a street thug, or biker) was being rude to his mother. I laughed but it seemed to make things worse. I made a joking sarcastic remark back along the lines of, "Remember, genetics will see you turning into your parents so don't be too critical - I am your future", but it seemed weak. The trouble is, he is a good actor, he had managed to sound menacing even though he was only joking.
We got out of there in a hurry - the atmosphere was frostier than our frozen lasagne.
In the car I had a look at his appearance - black biker boots with metal plates all up the front; mirror sunglasses, black bandanna, black shirt with skull & crossbones on it, studded leather armbands round both wrists. Hmm, no wonder people were a tad nervous. Little do they know, he's a pussycat these days. Would you believe, he even dresses like that when he teaches Sunday School?
We tend to avoid sarcasm because difficult child 3 doesn't understand it very well. We are trying to teach him but it takes time and has to be handed carefully. But we do joke around with the kids and encourage them to do it back - some people are horrified at the apparent disrespect, but the kids will stop instantly if we lose our senses of humour.
As a rule, though, we avoid put-downs as part of humour, unless we're following up with "but seriously, I am very proud of how you are doing," to make sure we counter any possible negative fallout. So if we do stir the kids ini a negative way, they ALWAYS know we are joking and we never try it unless they're laughing, joking, in a good mood and dishing it out to others. And we always pull back before it comes close to looking serious. And they're allowed to do it back - but the same ground rules. difficult child 3 has to be reminded, though, that it's OK at home but not with anyone outside the family.
Example - today we had some kids visit and they were playing badminton near a rather scratchy tree. One boy fell into the tree and scratched his leg. He complained about it and difficult child 3 got a bit impatient with him. "Whine, whine - do you want some cheese with your whine?"
I had to shut him up. I don't know where he got THAT one from - I suspect easy child 2/difficult child 2, or he heard it somewhere on TV.
When life is tough, you have to be able to laugh, otherwise you'd just want to slash your wrists. It's like saying that the light at the end of the tunnel is really an oncoming train - it really feels like that, if we take the time to stop and think. So we try to not think and use humour as a barrier to all that pain.
by the way, Timer - I tried to PM you but it wouldn't send. Don't know why. I had to laugh that one off, too.
Marg
