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Just so hurt. Am I blind?
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<blockquote data-quote="Waking" data-source="post: 744070" data-attributes="member: 23493"><p>Thank you all so much. I cant tell you how eye opening this has been and it explains so so much. I do not fear a diagnosis. I have good people I can talk to. I will do that. </p><p></p><p>I'm remembering back to the reasons I held him back from Kindergarten (I thought socially he wasnt ready-now the result is that he is much more intelligent than his classmates), to 3rd grade when I changed schools for him. </p><p></p><p>In third grade he was one of the smartest and most well-behaved boys. I have never gotten a complaint until his "idiot" teacher kept telling him to "ignore the bully" his class who was picking on him. She wasn't having a problem with my son, she was having a problem with his REACTIONS to being bullied! When the bully would pick on my son(poke him, kick his chair, pull his hair) my son would tell on him. The teacher kept telling him, "just ignore him." So my son tried his best to ignore him until the bully became so annoying to him that he would stand up turn around and yell in the middle of class, "knock it off!"</p><p>So the teacher would call us in to complain that his Outburst would disrupt learning for others. We argued, while thinking she was STUPID... "stop the bullying and you stop the disruption." These idiots actually could not figure that out. Problem had never been with my son. He was not randomly having outbursts. And his outbursts were anything that anyone would have done. Loudly telling the person to knock it off!</p><p></p><p> After months of them not attending to moving them away from each other, or stopping bully behavior we told them they were not dealing with the real problem. We pulled him out of that school and THEN they admitted to us that we were easier people to deal with the bullies parents. And that is why they couldn't stop the bullying . We were disgusted with the school and the principal.</p><p></p><p>I put him in a new school and explained to the teacher his "personality." (Because we didnt know anything about autism, aspbergers, etc) And this new 4th grade teacher at this new school absolutely understood him. She loved, protected, cared for and nurtured him. His 5th grade teacher was much the same and still connects with me via facebook because she loved him so much. Nobody mentioned the spectrum. Again he has never been diagnosed. Now hes in middle school and gets all A's and rave reviews.</p><p> He functions just fine as long as people "get him" and don't mess with him. And even if they do mess with him his reactions are what I would call absolutely normal for somebody that is irritated.</p><p>This coach is somebody that we knew was a guidance counselor. My husband is technically his supervisor in this sporting Association. So we don't have anything to do with this man academically, because he is not at my son's school. This is a city sport.</p><p>My son is on this man's team because we figured this man would probably get him because he deals with all types of kids. And honestly we've known this man for quite a few years and we have never had an issue. He's always been friendly and there's been a good camaraderie. This is why his words affected me so badly. </p><p>As a counselor, he told me that he works with all kinds of kids on the Spectrum and he did not think my son fell there, he just thought my kid was being willfully disobedient.</p><p>And when we told him we disagreed he told us we were blind.</p><p>Actually spent much of yesterday talking to people, making phone calls to doctors and friends who have children on the Spectrum. I've been sent many interesting articles that sounds like my son and some that don't because of course not all behaviors apply.</p><p></p><p>Last night I had a long talk with this coach / counselor. I'd given myself 24 hours to calm down and with the help I got here and it's some of my local friends who know more, I explained to him how as a counselor I expected more empathy and understanding from him. I was disappointed in his behavior and that we are investigating where my son might fall on the Spectrum. He had no business telling me otherwise. I felt empowered after that conversation. I did get an apology and he did say that he was wrong and he was angry at my son because when my son told him he did not have a goal, my son had kind of a weird smile on his face. I explained to him that if he investigated more about this type of behavior inappropriate emotional responses are common. I suggested he might want to learn more as it would probably benefit his profession. In the end I did get the apology I was speaking and I did get a promise to be more mindful of his words and his actions. He actually said to me almost in tears, that he "had no idea." I did tell him that I realize he had no idea but we also have no formal diagnosis to give to him brforehand, but we DID explain our sons personality to him, and I am alarmed that he as a counselor didnt "get that."</p><p>I told him I've been dealing with this Behavior since before my son went into kindergarten.</p><p></p><p> And here is the interesting thing... I deal with this behavior in my husband as well. I talked at length with my husband and we both really have a strong feeling that my husband is on the Spectrum as well. He and my DS3 are so alike. Many people disagree with my husband because his social skills lack and when he it's across his ideas he seems very dictatorial I had to explain to him over the last 18 years that I am constantly reminding him not to try to sound like he is in charge so much he has great ideas he needs to find a better way to present them. A lot of people think he's a know-it-all. Truth is he has a ton of knowledge and he loves to share it, it just doesn't come across in a polite manner. He also does not have any close friends and is fine with it. Find it very very difficult to make small talk at all and usually just stands there awkwardly and has a real tough time with eye contact.</p><p></p><p>...I have so much to learn.</p><p>Thank you for helping me.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Waking, post: 744070, member: 23493"] Thank you all so much. I cant tell you how eye opening this has been and it explains so so much. I do not fear a diagnosis. I have good people I can talk to. I will do that. I'm remembering back to the reasons I held him back from Kindergarten (I thought socially he wasnt ready-now the result is that he is much more intelligent than his classmates), to 3rd grade when I changed schools for him. In third grade he was one of the smartest and most well-behaved boys. I have never gotten a complaint until his "idiot" teacher kept telling him to "ignore the bully" his class who was picking on him. She wasn't having a problem with my son, she was having a problem with his REACTIONS to being bullied! When the bully would pick on my son(poke him, kick his chair, pull his hair) my son would tell on him. The teacher kept telling him, "just ignore him." So my son tried his best to ignore him until the bully became so annoying to him that he would stand up turn around and yell in the middle of class, "knock it off!" So the teacher would call us in to complain that his Outburst would disrupt learning for others. We argued, while thinking she was STUPID... "stop the bullying and you stop the disruption." These idiots actually could not figure that out. Problem had never been with my son. He was not randomly having outbursts. And his outbursts were anything that anyone would have done. Loudly telling the person to knock it off! After months of them not attending to moving them away from each other, or stopping bully behavior we told them they were not dealing with the real problem. We pulled him out of that school and THEN they admitted to us that we were easier people to deal with the bullies parents. And that is why they couldn't stop the bullying . We were disgusted with the school and the principal. I put him in a new school and explained to the teacher his "personality." (Because we didnt know anything about autism, aspbergers, etc) And this new 4th grade teacher at this new school absolutely understood him. She loved, protected, cared for and nurtured him. His 5th grade teacher was much the same and still connects with me via facebook because she loved him so much. Nobody mentioned the spectrum. Again he has never been diagnosed. Now hes in middle school and gets all A's and rave reviews. He functions just fine as long as people "get him" and don't mess with him. And even if they do mess with him his reactions are what I would call absolutely normal for somebody that is irritated. This coach is somebody that we knew was a guidance counselor. My husband is technically his supervisor in this sporting Association. So we don't have anything to do with this man academically, because he is not at my son's school. This is a city sport. My son is on this man's team because we figured this man would probably get him because he deals with all types of kids. And honestly we've known this man for quite a few years and we have never had an issue. He's always been friendly and there's been a good camaraderie. This is why his words affected me so badly. As a counselor, he told me that he works with all kinds of kids on the Spectrum and he did not think my son fell there, he just thought my kid was being willfully disobedient. And when we told him we disagreed he told us we were blind. Actually spent much of yesterday talking to people, making phone calls to doctors and friends who have children on the Spectrum. I've been sent many interesting articles that sounds like my son and some that don't because of course not all behaviors apply. Last night I had a long talk with this coach / counselor. I'd given myself 24 hours to calm down and with the help I got here and it's some of my local friends who know more, I explained to him how as a counselor I expected more empathy and understanding from him. I was disappointed in his behavior and that we are investigating where my son might fall on the Spectrum. He had no business telling me otherwise. I felt empowered after that conversation. I did get an apology and he did say that he was wrong and he was angry at my son because when my son told him he did not have a goal, my son had kind of a weird smile on his face. I explained to him that if he investigated more about this type of behavior inappropriate emotional responses are common. I suggested he might want to learn more as it would probably benefit his profession. In the end I did get the apology I was speaking and I did get a promise to be more mindful of his words and his actions. He actually said to me almost in tears, that he "had no idea." I did tell him that I realize he had no idea but we also have no formal diagnosis to give to him brforehand, but we DID explain our sons personality to him, and I am alarmed that he as a counselor didnt "get that." I told him I've been dealing with this Behavior since before my son went into kindergarten. And here is the interesting thing... I deal with this behavior in my husband as well. I talked at length with my husband and we both really have a strong feeling that my husband is on the Spectrum as well. He and my DS3 are so alike. Many people disagree with my husband because his social skills lack and when he it's across his ideas he seems very dictatorial I had to explain to him over the last 18 years that I am constantly reminding him not to try to sound like he is in charge so much he has great ideas he needs to find a better way to present them. A lot of people think he's a know-it-all. Truth is he has a ton of knowledge and he loves to share it, it just doesn't come across in a polite manner. He also does not have any close friends and is fine with it. Find it very very difficult to make small talk at all and usually just stands there awkwardly and has a real tough time with eye contact. ...I have so much to learn. Thank you for helping me. [/QUOTE]
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