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Just so hurt. Am I blind?
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<blockquote data-quote="Waking" data-source="post: 744140" data-attributes="member: 23493"><p>I have spent the length our marriage discovering quirks and trying to help him deal with them. From the "not answering the waitress" to seemingly lack of empathy, his dominant know it all "this is the gospel truth" type explanations....it has been exhausting. I had NO IDEA this is what I was dealing with. Yet..yes, we are happily married and love each other but I wonder if it works because I am fiercely independent? Or I have constantly told him.."do this...say it this way instead..."</p><p></p><p>I just dropped DS3 off at school. We had a good conversation in the car about how we need to take responsibility for our own behavior and, as was said on this forum, "meet the world halfway". We had a chat about DS1 who is gifted, but was on ADHD medications from 2nd to 6th grade until he learned skills to function. He didn't have any other issues other than he just couldn't control his body. DS1 taught himself to fidgit quietly and not disruptively...took himself off medications because he "believed in his own power to control it" (I know its not always the case) and is now top of his AP classes, sucessful athlete...model kid. But I explained to DS3, that we never told DS1 that ADHD is an excuse to not try. We are very much a family of, you are responsible for yourself. I have to believe that's why my kids are successful so far.</p><p>DS3 said that he totally understood he is responsible for his behavior and he is also responsible for learning how he comes off to people. He did say that there is one boy in his school who has Tourette's. The boy openly tells kids that because of this diagnosis sometimes he just says whatever he wants because he can. DS3 said , well that is just stupid.</p><p>It is kids like this that really irritate him because he feels they are breaking a rule & purposely not trying to make themselves better. I told him only to worry about himself.</p><p></p><p>He got out of the car, told me he loved me and he would see me later then he walked away.</p><p></p><p>I burst into tears before I left the parking lot.</p><p></p><p>I suddenly feel like I have failed him. Could I have made his life any better or easier..any SOONER? How has he been coping and dealing with this on his own? What kind of a mother would chalk his quirks up to "just being DS3" "That's the way he is..." all because he is really smart and never gets into trouble! This feeling has to be "normal" for parents just coming into this discovery, right?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Waking, post: 744140, member: 23493"] I have spent the length our marriage discovering quirks and trying to help him deal with them. From the "not answering the waitress" to seemingly lack of empathy, his dominant know it all "this is the gospel truth" type explanations....it has been exhausting. I had NO IDEA this is what I was dealing with. Yet..yes, we are happily married and love each other but I wonder if it works because I am fiercely independent? Or I have constantly told him.."do this...say it this way instead..." I just dropped DS3 off at school. We had a good conversation in the car about how we need to take responsibility for our own behavior and, as was said on this forum, "meet the world halfway". We had a chat about DS1 who is gifted, but was on ADHD medications from 2nd to 6th grade until he learned skills to function. He didn't have any other issues other than he just couldn't control his body. DS1 taught himself to fidgit quietly and not disruptively...took himself off medications because he "believed in his own power to control it" (I know its not always the case) and is now top of his AP classes, sucessful athlete...model kid. But I explained to DS3, that we never told DS1 that ADHD is an excuse to not try. We are very much a family of, you are responsible for yourself. I have to believe that's why my kids are successful so far. DS3 said that he totally understood he is responsible for his behavior and he is also responsible for learning how he comes off to people. He did say that there is one boy in his school who has Tourette's. The boy openly tells kids that because of this diagnosis sometimes he just says whatever he wants because he can. DS3 said , well that is just stupid. It is kids like this that really irritate him because he feels they are breaking a rule & purposely not trying to make themselves better. I told him only to worry about himself. He got out of the car, told me he loved me and he would see me later then he walked away. I burst into tears before I left the parking lot. I suddenly feel like I have failed him. Could I have made his life any better or easier..any SOONER? How has he been coping and dealing with this on his own? What kind of a mother would chalk his quirks up to "just being DS3" "That's the way he is..." all because he is really smart and never gets into trouble! This feeling has to be "normal" for parents just coming into this discovery, right? [/QUOTE]
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