SWOT my son has prosopagnosia. He would identify my mom by her hair. When he was little we couldn't understand why he would get so upset when she changed her hair. Both my husband and son are on the spectrum. Both appear to show very little empathy, but feel intensely. There seems to be a disconnect between what they are feeling and what appears on their face/expressions. My son not as bad as his dad. I on the other hand, have an extremely difficult time keeping my feelings off my face. LOL.
Waking, your husband sounds so much like mine. I am also pretty independent and have a tendency towards needing to control everything. Which fortunately seems to have worked out in my little family. My husband and son have much difficulty in social situations and are very, very uncomfortable so they are quite happy when I am the "face/voice" of the family when we are out. My son also had a ton of sensory issues and he has an incredibly sensitive sense of smell and hearing. Both get overwhelmed by trying to do more than one thing at once so we have made many accomodations for both.
Please don't feel like you have failed your son. You absolutely haven't. You've been his advocate. You seem like a wonderful, caring mom. ♥
