Hi all, I’m new and please forgive me if I’m not doing this properly. I read several threads and posts, and I feel like this could possibly be a place to gain some insight and solace.
Today was a particularly brutal day which has left me feeling eviscerated, devastated and heart sore.
A brief history: Our 13yo girl “G” has been in therapy for near 3yrs and is medicated. No official labels yet, but in my humble opinion seems to exhibit symptoms similar to ODD. She is only truly happy when she has utterly imploded the relationships and lives of those around her. She has little empathy for others, is purposefully vindictive, and calculating cruel. Unfortunately for all concerned she is also highly intelligent and just keeps improving her destructive skill set. She readily admits she does not care who or what she hurts as long as she gets what she wants right now. We have tried, and continue to try, all kinds of different parenting/discipline/redirecting styles and tools but to no avail so far. She lies constantly, and fabricates the most insane “stories” to elicit attention and sympathy from peers, their parents, and her teachers. She verbalizes her delight in being able to easily manipulate others, especially adults, at her whim; she states she finds this rewarding and amusing and openly revels in her ability to reek destruction. At 11yo she threatened suicide as a tactic to, as she put it “get a vacation,” by putting us in a position of having to admit her on a 3 day hold. She was placed in a young juvenile psychiatric ward, where she was literally the only patient at the time, and “had a ball hanging out with the staff watching TV and doing arts and crafts.” She was actually pissed when they released her as they deemed her not a threat to herself or others. Each event is an escalation in drama on the previous one. She sucks so much energy and joy out of our family and frankly depletes what energies and time should also rightfully be spent on her 9yo sister. We consciously work to try not to “overlook” our 9yo but it’s a daily battle because “G’s” destructiveness seems to take up so much of the oxygen in the room.
So, today’s latest steaming pile....
“G” lies so much to her peers, and gets caught doing so, her peers give less and less weight to her “stories” than “G” prefers, hence the constant need to escalate to get the reaction she seeks. Today we found out she’s been telling people at school her dad raped her. We immediately contacted her therapist who stated she is not surprised “G” took it to this level because “G’s” stories about being physically abused didn’t net her the reaction from her peers she wanted. The therapists (we are all in therapy) said we need to just stay strong and navigate the consequences of “G’s” actions without enabling or mitigating them for her. The therapist reassured us we know the truth and we have to trust the process as we are not the ones lying and manipulating, she is. “G” told us to our faces she knows she’s lying, does not care what the consequences may be—for herself, her sister, her father—and only cares about getting a reaction and sympathy from her peers and teachers. She thinks this will get her placed in Foster Care where she can do anything she wants whenever she wants.
I am devastated, for all of us. Her poor father has been gutted. We are not well off and he works Overtime when he can get it, to pay for the psychological therapy, the horse therapy, etc., etc., anything at all anyone suggests might help “G.” He is absolutely crushed by her callousness and her openly delighting in his pain. He’s pretty strong emotionally but this just absolutely crushed him.
We can’t leave “G” alone, or in a room by herself with her sister. We have to be ever vigilant. Her dad works 3rd shift and I works 1st shift so there is always an adult home with them. This is so exhausting and soul crushing.
Sorry this is so long, thank you for listening. Sending healing energies and peace out to everyone here.
