Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Kicked 18 year old son out, I'm struggling with it
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 685279" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Miracle, I am sorry for your heartache, this is a tough situation. Really, what can you do? How do we teach our adult children that it is unacceptable to behave in such a way, disrespect our homes and their parents?</p><p>He is young, 18 is so young, but he is going off the rails. Definitely not healthy for him, or you. Not acceptable to take advantage of ones parents, break into your home, your sanctuary and steal from you. Steal from his family, his visiting grandfather.</p><p></p><p>I understand your concern for him and heartache. But where do we draw the line?</p><p></p><p>Here is the thing that I feel is one of the biggest deterrents to our kids figuring their lives out......us.</p><p></p><p>It is not that we were<em> bad parents. </em></p><p><em>The kids will try to guilt us into believing this.</em></p><p></p><p>It is that <em>we care more</em> about what the kids are doing then<em> they do</em>. We worry and fret that they will be hungry or cold, where they will sleep, <em>while we lose sleep</em>. We worry that if we make them leave our homes, they will just get worse.</p><p>We don't think about <em>the worse</em> that happened in our own homes, how we became prisoners of their outrageous actions and choices.</p><p></p><p>So many parents here including myself have gone through this. For me, several times, with my two, and my grands.</p><p>What I have learned is that the longer I stayed in the game and let my two live at home, the <em>worse they got</em>. The worse it got for<em> all of us</em>. There became <em>no limit</em> to worse.</p><p>It is because when the kids do so much damage to themselves, then to us, a line has been crossed, there is <em>no respect</em>. We are torn at our hearts, but the kids do not care. They will use our heartache to get to us, twist things all around, and make us feel miserable. It is crazy and upside down.</p><p>At this point, it is really, really, really important for you to try as much as you can to <em>focus on you</em>. Grieve as you must and get it all out.</p><p>When you are ready, find ways to build yourself up. Somewhere along the road we lost so much of ourselves in all of this. We forgot that we have value and we matter. I have come to believe that the best service we can do for our adult d cs, is to show them what life truly has to offer. If we find our own self worth again, take care of ourselves, we are modeling behaviors we wish for our kids. No amount of talking will work, if we do not lead by example.</p><p>Your son will be okay.</p><p>He needs to learn this thing called life. It is not the way you wish for him, but you have no control over this.</p><p>If you have faith in a higher power, give your worries and sorrow over. I gave my two to God, along with my grands. They belong to Him always.</p><p>That has been my miracle in all of this. If I start to awfullize, I say a quick prayer. It calms my fears and reminds me that it is not up to me at all. It is up to my d cs to figure out their path.</p><p>I will not allow them to step all over me like a dirty rug ever again. This caused them to disrespect me and themselves. So, I stepped aside. I am hopeful that they will find their meaning and purpose, but not paralyzingly so.</p><p>Just as they must fulfill their own purpose in their lives, I must live a full life myself.</p><p>Your son will find his way Miracle. Especially since you have helped him go through your door.</p><p>You have shown him by this, that the world has reasonable boundaries and rules, starting from within his own family.</p><p>Keep posting and sharing your journey, it is really helpful to work through your feelings here in the caress of so many who understand.</p><p>Wishing you peace of mind and heart.</p><p>(((Hugs)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 685279, member: 19522"] Miracle, I am sorry for your heartache, this is a tough situation. Really, what can you do? How do we teach our adult children that it is unacceptable to behave in such a way, disrespect our homes and their parents? He is young, 18 is so young, but he is going off the rails. Definitely not healthy for him, or you. Not acceptable to take advantage of ones parents, break into your home, your sanctuary and steal from you. Steal from his family, his visiting grandfather. I understand your concern for him and heartache. But where do we draw the line? Here is the thing that I feel is one of the biggest deterrents to our kids figuring their lives out......us. It is not that we were[I] bad parents. The kids will try to guilt us into believing this.[/I] It is that [I]we care more[/I] about what the kids are doing then[I] they do[/I]. We worry and fret that they will be hungry or cold, where they will sleep, [I]while we lose sleep[/I]. We worry that if we make them leave our homes, they will just get worse. We don't think about [I]the worse[/I] that happened in our own homes, how we became prisoners of their outrageous actions and choices. So many parents here including myself have gone through this. For me, several times, with my two, and my grands. What I have learned is that the longer I stayed in the game and let my two live at home, the [I]worse they got[/I]. The worse it got for[I] all of us[/I]. There became [I]no limit[/I] to worse. It is because when the kids do so much damage to themselves, then to us, a line has been crossed, there is [I]no respect[/I]. We are torn at our hearts, but the kids do not care. They will use our heartache to get to us, twist things all around, and make us feel miserable. It is crazy and upside down. At this point, it is really, really, really important for you to try as much as you can to [I]focus on you[/I]. Grieve as you must and get it all out. When you are ready, find ways to build yourself up. Somewhere along the road we lost so much of ourselves in all of this. We forgot that we have value and we matter. I have come to believe that the best service we can do for our adult d cs, is to show them what life truly has to offer. If we find our own self worth again, take care of ourselves, we are modeling behaviors we wish for our kids. No amount of talking will work, if we do not lead by example. Your son will be okay. He needs to learn this thing called life. It is not the way you wish for him, but you have no control over this. If you have faith in a higher power, give your worries and sorrow over. I gave my two to God, along with my grands. They belong to Him always. That has been my miracle in all of this. If I start to awfullize, I say a quick prayer. It calms my fears and reminds me that it is not up to me at all. It is up to my d cs to figure out their path. I will not allow them to step all over me like a dirty rug ever again. This caused them to disrespect me and themselves. So, I stepped aside. I am hopeful that they will find their meaning and purpose, but not paralyzingly so. Just as they must fulfill their own purpose in their lives, I must live a full life myself. Your son will find his way Miracle. Especially since you have helped him go through your door. You have shown him by this, that the world has reasonable boundaries and rules, starting from within his own family. Keep posting and sharing your journey, it is really helpful to work through your feelings here in the caress of so many who understand. Wishing you peace of mind and heart. (((Hugs))) leafy [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Kicked 18 year old son out, I'm struggling with it
Top