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Parent Emeritus
Kicked 26 yr old son out of the house
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<blockquote data-quote="Elsi" data-source="post: 742892" data-attributes="member: 23349"><p>NFL, many of us have these experiences. His therapy team is right: enabling him, or rescuing him, is not going to help him. Many of us spent years going down that road also. </p><p></p><p>I have come to believe the diagnoses don't matter much. We hold on to them as parents - as explanations, as excuses, as reasons why our kid is different from all those other kids out there and why in our circumstances maybe continuing to enable is the right choice. Because maybe all those diagnoses and acronyms mean they CAN'T, and maybe that changes our responsibility as parents of adults. But beyond cases of severely diminished function, I've come to believe that rescuing is almost never the right choice, regardless of the diagnosis. The diagnosis is often a red herring. What matters is how they are behaving, and what they need to learn. And as I sad on sadmom's thread, sadly many of our children seem to need to learn the hard way, from the world, rather than the easy way, from us. It's hard to watch. Sometimes doing nothing is much, much harder than running to the rescue. </p><p></p><p>You can read more of our stories on other threads. And I encourage you to tell us more of yours. It helps, to get it all out there. Most of us don't have many people in the "real" world who understand what this is like. It can feel very isolating, and very lonely. </p><p></p><p>A lot of what we do here is work on ourselves, on learning how to be ok even when our kids are not. </p><p></p><p>I'm glad you found us. I hope you keep posting. Tell us more, when you're ready.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Elsi, post: 742892, member: 23349"] NFL, many of us have these experiences. His therapy team is right: enabling him, or rescuing him, is not going to help him. Many of us spent years going down that road also. I have come to believe the diagnoses don't matter much. We hold on to them as parents - as explanations, as excuses, as reasons why our kid is different from all those other kids out there and why in our circumstances maybe continuing to enable is the right choice. Because maybe all those diagnoses and acronyms mean they CAN'T, and maybe that changes our responsibility as parents of adults. But beyond cases of severely diminished function, I've come to believe that rescuing is almost never the right choice, regardless of the diagnosis. The diagnosis is often a red herring. What matters is how they are behaving, and what they need to learn. And as I sad on sadmom's thread, sadly many of our children seem to need to learn the hard way, from the world, rather than the easy way, from us. It's hard to watch. Sometimes doing nothing is much, much harder than running to the rescue. You can read more of our stories on other threads. And I encourage you to tell us more of yours. It helps, to get it all out there. Most of us don't have many people in the "real" world who understand what this is like. It can feel very isolating, and very lonely. A lot of what we do here is work on ourselves, on learning how to be ok even when our kids are not. I'm glad you found us. I hope you keep posting. Tell us more, when you're ready. [/QUOTE]
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Kicked 26 yr old son out of the house
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