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Kicked 26 yr old son out of the house
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 742900" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Hi NFLgirl,</p><p>I'm glad you found us here and I'm so sorry for the heartache you are experiencing. </p><p></p><p>I never like to use the term "kicked out" when it comes to an adult child. I choose the term "liberated". </p><p>You liberated your son from your home so he can live his life on his terms. I'm guessing this happened because he does not choose to follow your house rules. </p><p></p><p>I'm glad to hear that he has been seeing both a psychiatrist and therapist. They have been honest with you.</p><p>There comes a time when what we, the parent views as helping is really enabling. Your son is 26 and although he is autistic, he's high functioning and should be able to take care of himself.</p><p>It can be so hard for us parents to step back and allow our children to experience life and all the consequences that go with it.</p><p>I have always loved this story as I think it's very fitting for our adult children.</p><p></p><p><span style="color: #0080ff">The Struggle of The Butterfly</span></p><p><span style="color: #0080ff"></span></p><p><span style="color: #0080ff">Once a little boy was playing outdoors and found a fascinating caterpillar. He carefully picked it up and took it home to show his mother. He asked his mother if he could keep it, and she said he could if he would take good care of it.</span></p><p><span style="color: #0080ff"></span></p><p><span style="color: #0080ff">The little boy got a large jar from his mother and put plants to eat, and a stick to climb on, in the jar. Every day he watched the caterpillar and brought it new plants to eat.</span></p><p><span style="color: #0080ff"></span></p><p><span style="color: #0080ff">One day the caterpillar climbed up the stick and started acting strangely. The boy worriedly called his mother who came and understood that the caterpillar was creating a cocoon. The mother explained to the boy how the caterpillar was going to go through a metamorphosis and become a butterfly.</span></p><p><span style="color: #0080ff"></span></p><p><span style="color: #0080ff">The little boy was thrilled to hear about the changes his caterpillar would go through. He watched every day, waiting for the butterfly to emerge. One day it happened, a small hole appeared in the cocoon and the butterfly started to struggle to come out.</span></p><p><span style="color: #0080ff"></span></p><p><span style="color: #0080ff">At first the boy was excited, but soon he became concerned. The butterfly was struggling so hard to get out! It looked like it couldn’t break free! It looked desperate! It looked like it was making no progress!</span></p><p><span style="color: #0080ff"></span></p><p><span style="color: #0080ff">The boy was so concerned he decided to help. He ran to get scissors, and then walked back (because he had learned not to run with scissors…). He snipped the cocoon to make the hole bigger and the butterfly quickly emerged!</span></p><p><span style="color: #0080ff"></span></p><p><span style="color: #0080ff">As the butterfly came out the boy was surprised. It had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings. He continued to watch the butterfly expecting that, at any moment, the wings would dry out, enlarge and expand to support the swollen body. He knew that in time the body would shrink and the butterfly’s wings would expand.</span></p><p><span style="color: #0080ff"></span></p><p><span style="color: #0080ff"> But neither happened!</span></p><p><span style="color: #0080ff"></span></p><p><span style="color: #0080ff">The butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings.</span></p><p><span style="color: #0080ff"></span></p><p><span style="color: #0080ff">It never was able to fly…</span></p><p><span style="color: #0080ff"></span></p><p><span style="color: #0080ff">As the boy tried to figure out what had gone wrong his mother took him to talk to a scientist from a local college. He learned that the butterfly was <strong>SUPPOSED</strong> to struggle. In fact, the butterfly’s struggle to push its way through the tiny opening of the cocoon pushes the fluid out of its body and into its wings. Without the struggle, the butterfly would never, ever fly. The boy’s good intentions hurt the butterfly.</span></p><p><span style="color: #0080ff"></span></p><p><span style="color: #0080ff">As you go through school, and life, keep in mind that struggling is an important part of any growth experience. In fact, it is the struggle that causes you to develop your ability to fly.</span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 742900, member: 18516"] Hi NFLgirl, I'm glad you found us here and I'm so sorry for the heartache you are experiencing. I never like to use the term "kicked out" when it comes to an adult child. I choose the term "liberated". You liberated your son from your home so he can live his life on his terms. I'm guessing this happened because he does not choose to follow your house rules. I'm glad to hear that he has been seeing both a psychiatrist and therapist. They have been honest with you. There comes a time when what we, the parent views as helping is really enabling. Your son is 26 and although he is autistic, he's high functioning and should be able to take care of himself. It can be so hard for us parents to step back and allow our children to experience life and all the consequences that go with it. I have always loved this story as I think it's very fitting for our adult children. [COLOR=#0080ff]The Struggle of The Butterfly Once a little boy was playing outdoors and found a fascinating caterpillar. He carefully picked it up and took it home to show his mother. He asked his mother if he could keep it, and she said he could if he would take good care of it. The little boy got a large jar from his mother and put plants to eat, and a stick to climb on, in the jar. Every day he watched the caterpillar and brought it new plants to eat. One day the caterpillar climbed up the stick and started acting strangely. The boy worriedly called his mother who came and understood that the caterpillar was creating a cocoon. The mother explained to the boy how the caterpillar was going to go through a metamorphosis and become a butterfly. The little boy was thrilled to hear about the changes his caterpillar would go through. He watched every day, waiting for the butterfly to emerge. One day it happened, a small hole appeared in the cocoon and the butterfly started to struggle to come out. At first the boy was excited, but soon he became concerned. The butterfly was struggling so hard to get out! It looked like it couldn’t break free! It looked desperate! It looked like it was making no progress! The boy was so concerned he decided to help. He ran to get scissors, and then walked back (because he had learned not to run with scissors…). He snipped the cocoon to make the hole bigger and the butterfly quickly emerged! As the butterfly came out the boy was surprised. It had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings. He continued to watch the butterfly expecting that, at any moment, the wings would dry out, enlarge and expand to support the swollen body. He knew that in time the body would shrink and the butterfly’s wings would expand. But neither happened! The butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly… As the boy tried to figure out what had gone wrong his mother took him to talk to a scientist from a local college. He learned that the butterfly was [B]SUPPOSED[/B] to struggle. In fact, the butterfly’s struggle to push its way through the tiny opening of the cocoon pushes the fluid out of its body and into its wings. Without the struggle, the butterfly would never, ever fly. The boy’s good intentions hurt the butterfly. As you go through school, and life, keep in mind that struggling is an important part of any growth experience. In fact, it is the struggle that causes you to develop your ability to fly.[/COLOR] [/QUOTE]
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