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Kicked my 23 yr. old son out - was I wrong?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 648550" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>He's alive or you'd have heard something. If you ask is he all right, well, maybe it helps to remember that you know EXACTLY how he is.As long as he is using drugs, even if he sits across from you, you are not seeing the real person he is. He is somebody else. As for his well being...except for the drugs...</p><p></p><p>He's eating. Even homeless people have many places that feed them and there is a big community of homeless, most who have worn everyone--family and friends out--and are kind of like one big dysfunctional functional family...they help each other know where/when the meals are served, for example. Salvation Army offers clothing too. On the other hand, your son has things. He obviously is not totally broke. He has a smart phone and the internet. I'm sure his squeeze has blankets. He isn't going to get hurt from anything other than drugs and that is out of your control. He isn't going to tell you he's not all right. So why bother to ask?</p><p></p><p>You did what I did and made your child your entire life. You breathed with him. I did this with my kids. Then one of the kids we adopted at an older age decided to leave our family and never speak to us again. Nothing big even happened. It was a little thing that most people get over in less than a week. It's been eight years. When that happened I realized that my kids, all of them, are seperate from me and they can't be my life because they are not me. And I figured I'd better change my attitude or I'd be miserable forever if they moved away or got angry or anything else. And I also realized that they were more apt to be burdened by me, rather than see me as somebody fun to be with, if I intruded into their lives all the time, which I'd done when they were very young. So some good came from the bad and it can be that way for you too.</p><p></p><p>You will grieve.</p><p></p><p>After that, you will finally accept whatever place you are at with your son and whatever place HE has put himself in. YOU are within your control. Your son is not within your control. It's a wonderful time to start doing things for yourself and your loved ones who treat you right...a vacation? A new hobby? A night out with the girls? Your life will never be happy if it is all about other people. Nobody else can make you happy b ut you. I had to learn the hard way. I also learned that nobody can make me sad but myself too. We don't have to flog ourselves with non-stop, everlasting angst over anything. If we do, it does not help the person we are upset about and it hurts us and our loved ones who want to see us laughing again.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 648550, member: 1550"] He's alive or you'd have heard something. If you ask is he all right, well, maybe it helps to remember that you know EXACTLY how he is.As long as he is using drugs, even if he sits across from you, you are not seeing the real person he is. He is somebody else. As for his well being...except for the drugs... He's eating. Even homeless people have many places that feed them and there is a big community of homeless, most who have worn everyone--family and friends out--and are kind of like one big dysfunctional functional family...they help each other know where/when the meals are served, for example. Salvation Army offers clothing too. On the other hand, your son has things. He obviously is not totally broke. He has a smart phone and the internet. I'm sure his squeeze has blankets. He isn't going to get hurt from anything other than drugs and that is out of your control. He isn't going to tell you he's not all right. So why bother to ask? You did what I did and made your child your entire life. You breathed with him. I did this with my kids. Then one of the kids we adopted at an older age decided to leave our family and never speak to us again. Nothing big even happened. It was a little thing that most people get over in less than a week. It's been eight years. When that happened I realized that my kids, all of them, are seperate from me and they can't be my life because they are not me. And I figured I'd better change my attitude or I'd be miserable forever if they moved away or got angry or anything else. And I also realized that they were more apt to be burdened by me, rather than see me as somebody fun to be with, if I intruded into their lives all the time, which I'd done when they were very young. So some good came from the bad and it can be that way for you too. You will grieve. After that, you will finally accept whatever place you are at with your son and whatever place HE has put himself in. YOU are within your control. Your son is not within your control. It's a wonderful time to start doing things for yourself and your loved ones who treat you right...a vacation? A new hobby? A night out with the girls? Your life will never be happy if it is all about other people. Nobody else can make you happy b ut you. I had to learn the hard way. I also learned that nobody can make me sad but myself too. We don't have to flog ourselves with non-stop, everlasting angst over anything. If we do, it does not help the person we are upset about and it hurts us and our loved ones who want to see us laughing again. [/QUOTE]
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