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Substance Abuse
Kicked my son out, foster care, fear
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 705222" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am sorry you are in this situation. Christmas sounds like it was NOT fun. His vomiting sounds very much like a self induced/panic/anxiety thing. It could be partly too much pot, I guess. But it sounds more like anxiety and sticking his fingers down his throat combined. Part of me can see why the other kids lose patience with him taking up all the hot water, especially if he does this for days or weeks at a time, with no concern for when they need showers. </p><p></p><p>I would urge you to stop giving him money or food. Not because you don't love him, but because you do. He has food, he just doesn't want the food he has. When he doesn't have the food he likes, he will eat what is there. Or he will get a job and earn money to buy the food he likes. If he can do that, he doesn't need your money. </p><p></p><p>He sounds like he has a serious problem with drugs. I am not buying just weed. At the least, he is using weed laced with other things. That is actually not uncommon. But it is more likely that he is telling you that he is only using weed and reality is that he is taking other things. The more he hangs out with people who use and sell hard drugs, the more likely it is that he uses harder drugs. He would have offers to try them for free because it would make him into a new customer for his friends to sell to. He would also be offered them as his friends are partying with them, and the pressure to try them would be strong. He doesn't seem like he could stand up to that pressure. </p><p></p><p>Even if he is 'just' using/abusing marijuana, every penny you give him is another penny he has to spend on his drug of choice. If you buy him food, then his money can go to drugs. If you just give him the money for a sandwich, rather than buying the sandwich, that money can be used for drugs. If you truly feel the need to give him things, give him the sandwich, do not give him the money for food. Don't ever give him money.</p><p></p><p>I have a strong opinion on this whole 'respect' issue. He is demanding that you respect him.. WHY? What, exactly, has he done to EARN your respect? He dropped out of school. He won't go to therapy or comply with basic requests. He sure won't show YOU respect. He won't even get his coat from your home unless you have a screaming fit. He stole a key to your home KNOWING that the key was to a lock put in specifically to keep him out, then he used it at least once to break in and use drugs in your home! Please, tell me what he has done that is deserving of respect? I surely do not see why you should give in to his every desire and demand, and why he should give in to nothing that you want except on very rare occasions. </p><p></p><p>Maybe I am wrong, but I just do not see it. I am also probably tactless enough to ask the boy this question if he were my son. Actually, I did ask my son something similar at one point. It sure made him angry, but he definitely got my point. </p><p></p><p>As for your screaming fit, please don't beat yourself up. Everyone has a breaking point and you reached yours. It actually is good, in my opinion, for your son to see this. He has to see that at some point he has gone too far. And he truly went too far with the one thing after another nonstop. I grew up with a saying that is still in effect, and even my children know it: "Your mother can have anything she wants when she levitates." (said by my father). What he means is that when my mother finally loses her temper and yells/screams, she gets whatever she wants because she has finally been pushed too far. She can be pushed quite far, and is amazingly patient, especially lately with my father, but when she loses it, WOW. It is spectacular and I always just hope it isn't aimed at me. EVERYONE loses it now and then, and especially parents of difficult children. Single parents of difficult parents are given an especially heavy burden, and you do an amazing job with your son. Losing it once in a while is not a bad thing. It reminds everyone that you are only human, and that sometimes, too much is enough. </p><p></p><p>I am sorry you had to run away from home for Christmas.</p><p></p><p>(((((hugs)))))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 705222, member: 1233"] I am sorry you are in this situation. Christmas sounds like it was NOT fun. His vomiting sounds very much like a self induced/panic/anxiety thing. It could be partly too much pot, I guess. But it sounds more like anxiety and sticking his fingers down his throat combined. Part of me can see why the other kids lose patience with him taking up all the hot water, especially if he does this for days or weeks at a time, with no concern for when they need showers. I would urge you to stop giving him money or food. Not because you don't love him, but because you do. He has food, he just doesn't want the food he has. When he doesn't have the food he likes, he will eat what is there. Or he will get a job and earn money to buy the food he likes. If he can do that, he doesn't need your money. He sounds like he has a serious problem with drugs. I am not buying just weed. At the least, he is using weed laced with other things. That is actually not uncommon. But it is more likely that he is telling you that he is only using weed and reality is that he is taking other things. The more he hangs out with people who use and sell hard drugs, the more likely it is that he uses harder drugs. He would have offers to try them for free because it would make him into a new customer for his friends to sell to. He would also be offered them as his friends are partying with them, and the pressure to try them would be strong. He doesn't seem like he could stand up to that pressure. Even if he is 'just' using/abusing marijuana, every penny you give him is another penny he has to spend on his drug of choice. If you buy him food, then his money can go to drugs. If you just give him the money for a sandwich, rather than buying the sandwich, that money can be used for drugs. If you truly feel the need to give him things, give him the sandwich, do not give him the money for food. Don't ever give him money. I have a strong opinion on this whole 'respect' issue. He is demanding that you respect him.. WHY? What, exactly, has he done to EARN your respect? He dropped out of school. He won't go to therapy or comply with basic requests. He sure won't show YOU respect. He won't even get his coat from your home unless you have a screaming fit. He stole a key to your home KNOWING that the key was to a lock put in specifically to keep him out, then he used it at least once to break in and use drugs in your home! Please, tell me what he has done that is deserving of respect? I surely do not see why you should give in to his every desire and demand, and why he should give in to nothing that you want except on very rare occasions. Maybe I am wrong, but I just do not see it. I am also probably tactless enough to ask the boy this question if he were my son. Actually, I did ask my son something similar at one point. It sure made him angry, but he definitely got my point. As for your screaming fit, please don't beat yourself up. Everyone has a breaking point and you reached yours. It actually is good, in my opinion, for your son to see this. He has to see that at some point he has gone too far. And he truly went too far with the one thing after another nonstop. I grew up with a saying that is still in effect, and even my children know it: "Your mother can have anything she wants when she levitates." (said by my father). What he means is that when my mother finally loses her temper and yells/screams, she gets whatever she wants because she has finally been pushed too far. She can be pushed quite far, and is amazingly patient, especially lately with my father, but when she loses it, WOW. It is spectacular and I always just hope it isn't aimed at me. EVERYONE loses it now and then, and especially parents of difficult children. Single parents of difficult parents are given an especially heavy burden, and you do an amazing job with your son. Losing it once in a while is not a bad thing. It reminds everyone that you are only human, and that sometimes, too much is enough. I am sorry you had to run away from home for Christmas. (((((hugs))))) [/QUOTE]
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